Destiny.

Blind, Deaf, and Severely Myopic

2012-02-10T01:48:00.008+08:00

I don't deny I'm still slightly sore over the whole incident. It was simply beyond ridiculous. All it proved was how weak human nature was; how easily gossips can break apart fragile human-to-human relationships. What's all this bullshit about trust and all seriously. If people just live blindly and see things through their myopic scope of vision, what is the fucking point?! Maybe I can relate so well to the protaganist in this drama I'm currently watching (Wax and Wane) is because I went through an almost similar situation just barely a month ago.

Let's be frank. I'll never be in a job except for money. It is a motivating factor in life, and a hard truth everyone has to accept no matter how pragmatic you find it. But I did look forward to meeting new people into this job and hopefully, develop platonic friendships like I've did at my stint in robinsons. But no, things just didnt turn out as smoothly as what I expected it to be. Although the actual course of incident still remains much of a mystery (and I do not really fathom playing guessing games), I still told myself, at least I get what I came here for anyway. All I need is the money (loosen up bro, because you know you need them too) All those OTs, the awkward silence and sour atmosphere I faced during the most enduring period, the gossips I had to close my ears and eyes to, the doubts in the eyes of people, the eerie feeling that even nice (and deceivingly naive people) can turn their backs against you; it's almost a mini nightmare on it's own.

That saying, I hold true to my values in treasuring what good comes out of every situation. Needless to say, it must have been the small, but really awesome group that have stayed so true to this day. We may not be the majority, but at least we stuck together, and I'm really glad that we didnt let this break us apart, but we grew closer together. All those movie outings, meals, clubbing, random night out at timbre, it has been such great times. Indeed, what doesn't kills you, makes you stronger.

Postdated

2012-01-02T21:41:00.007+08:00

All the memories and pictures in 2011 I've yet to get a chance to blog about. So here goes!

Working with Sophia!

Working with Celestine during Symantec that day! It was nothing short of awesome! MBS is MBS. Food there was soooo superb and crowd was great! Had a really really good time though we were quite busy unlike the previous slacking work sessions!

Dinner with the clique at EwF after the end of chem paper!

Celebrating QY & eleanor's bday too! :)

Nat Chua then came over, and I went along with eleanor & nat(s) to Teo Heng for K session.

Pardon the expression because I'm trying my best not to laugh!

Quite high that night from all the breezer too, plus, nearing the end of A's, what can you expect right?

And finally.......REAL END OF A LEVELS WALAU NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS THE ECSTATIC KIND OF FEELING THEN AND THEN

Teo Heng for K session again! I'm not posting most of the photos here cus they're all taken by Eleanor and SUPER UNGLAM I SWEAR T_T

Cheap & good Katong Laksa for dinz!!! :)

Bus-ed down to Orchard to just soak in the Xmas lightings and all :D

Starbucks 1-for-1 that day, if I didn't recall it wrongly ^^

All the touristy pictures!

Up to Orchard Central's rooftop garden! I'm really really afraid of heights so the whole ride up all the escalators really got my heart jumping :O

But the view up there is quite lovely! ^^

Did my nails at Loves@Perch with Joreen after catching up over Puss in Boots ^^

Workingggg with Celest again ♥

Always camwhoring, as usual. It wasnt as high since we were with others, but it was still good!! :) I had tons of freebies and made friends with everyone working along the streets of Orchard before Xmas too! hehehehhee

LOVE♥♥♥♥ this picture so much

After that I headed over to KL with the Robinsons clique, but I'll save the junk of pictures for another post :D

And this was NYE with Eleanor, HC & I got sk along with us too :)

Finally caught Sherlock for the last movie of the year and I'm happy!! :) Fireworks that day was sooooo pretty, I enjoyed it so much ^^

Pretty much sums up the busy month of December :) Now it's Jan and just another month of working, while everybody goes through the agony of school and I'm there gloating over NOT having to go to school. Goshhhh, I'm turning sadistic but please do not blame me! :X When you've been through the same two years of hell I've, you'll understand why I said what I've said.

Awaiting 2012

2011-12-31T02:57:00.003+08:00

Since I doubt I'll be actually home tomorrow night when 2012 officially kicks in, I might as well sum up my reflection for 2011 now.

I know there are still so many photos I've yet to upload, but at this point I'm just too lazy :( At least all the Auckland photos are finally up on fb :D

I typed this at the end of 2010 (last year)

In 2011.............,

1)I'll learn to be a better person. I'll be a better friend. I'll try to compromise. I'll be a listening ear for you if you ever need one. I'll be there always to laugh and smile with you. And last but not least, I'll always tell you how much you mean to me as a friend.
2)I'll study. Like really focus and study. I got by this year because I was lucky. I saw how miserable I was when I failed to put in sufficient effort for my O's. And I swore to myself, I'll not let the same mistake repeat again. So in 2011 where I'll have to chance to decide and seal my whole fate, I promise not to let history repeat itself again. I'll be down to earth, I'll study hard, and stop thinking miracles will happen.
3)I'll start savings up. Yes, I will. Because I realised how it's important to save up for a rainy day, how money never comes easy at all, how much it actually means in my world today. I'll cut down on all the shopping, I'll lead a humbler life, I'll cut down on excessive spending on luxuries, and I'll try the minimalistic lifestyle =P
4)I'll be a better photographer. I hope that even with the busy days I forsee in 2011, I'll still get the chance to shoot often. I'll learn to better use my equipment, treat them properly, and take better shots with them. And be more open to favourable critism (not just in photography actually).
5)Something short and sweet. I'll just try to stick to my other 4 promises. ^^,

1. I'm sad to say, after 12 whole months, not only am I not nearing this goal, I seem to be moving away from it. It came to the point where I can't control my mood swings anymore. I have sucky anger management and I tend to take it out on people care. I'm genuinely sorry for that. I spend time and effort on people who do not even see, speak to the deaf who never hears, and pour tears over those who do not deserve a single thought. Building up the walls, tearing it down again and repeating the whole cycle seems to be the best way to sum up all my relationships in 2011. In the process, I shun those who I know care, and wallow more in the depths of self-misery. Completely pathetic.

But there are new people whom I'm glad to have met along the way. Whether or not you're still a part of my life now, it doesn't matters. What matters is you've helped to shape the path I'm taking now, however small your role may be. And I still thank you for that, because I know every bit counts.

In 2012, I ever told myself just a few days ago, I'll live only for me, myself and I. Selfish? Hardly. Because I see no point in bothering anymore if it doesn't pays off. I see no time taking the step of faith to believe, only to have all my efforts come to naught. I could have saved those heartache and reciprocated to people who actually appreciated it more, so I do not let down genuine friends too. Someday, you must learn too that what goes around will come around. Karma is a bitch through and through. If I've done so much yet things are still left hanging, then the situation would leave for itself to speak.

2. I would be shaming myself to even bother talking about this.

3. Same as (2)

4. The light at the end of this depressing tunnel I suppose. Practice does makes perfect. I wouldn't dare say I'm any pro or what, of course I'm still far from it (and highly unlikely I'll make it anywhere near) but I'm happy I'm improving. And learning. Hopefully I'll keep this as a point to continue striving on ^^

5. Obviously if (1) and (2) and (3) cannot hold true (5) will never hold true.

...

And what is the point of coming up with 1001 new resolutions every year, only to have at least 80% of it not fulfilled? I thought about it, and I'll rather much try to achieve what I've set out to do; no matter how long it takes, I'll just keep moving forward and improving myself.

So yes. I'll work harder at becoming a better friend. I'll stop finding excuses. I'll do what I ought to do. I'll not let my emotions always take precedence over logic. I'll try.

Pretty much sums up my 2012 aspirations :)

Anyway, I'm so glad to have met so many new people in 2011. It has been a really great year despite all the trials and tribulations. I'm finally out of a hell hole, I'm meeting more and more awesome people, wising up, experiencing what I've never did before, visiting places I've never went before, and going through life with people I've never seen before. I've made friends with people I've least expected to be, opened up to mere strangers, did things I'll never thought I'll do, and the list goes on....

To everyone who has impacted my life in 2011 one way or another, irregardless of whether you're a nasty classmate or bias teacher or bitchy colleague or close friend or crush or friends or enemies, thank you. Thank you. Because I know without even anyone of you, my life wouldnt be what it is today. I wouldn't say I'm happy, but I'm definitely contended, and growing to be. When I count what I had years ago and now, I know God has done me good. The fruits in the Kingdom have multiplied and they will only grow. Life can only be better, and I can only improve. There are new trials I foresee in 2012, but with trials comes new adventures, new people, new experiences, new lessons to help me grow - basically it's a whole new life. A chance to renew and be empowered, and keep my one foot in front of the other.

In music, we start in C and end in C. We end on a note we have begun. 2011 may not had the best start, but it was good. So cheers to ending on a good note in 2011, and beginning 2012 on an even better note :)

AucklandVisuals

2011-12-26T11:46:00.019+08:00

Massively overdue visuals from my trip in Auckland. It's a really beautiful place like I've mentioned before, amid the fact that it's a little boring there and after the first few days, I just couldnt help missing Singapore. Strange right. I've always wanted to be out of this little island, yet when I'm overseas, all I think about it home :/

I try my best to post the pictures in a chronological order, but it's a bit hard because I edit and sort them out in different batches, there are over 3000++ photos plus a whole lot of other events and stuff, so don't blame me for being EXTREMELY lazy. It is also hard when you consider how little free time I have at home. Every day back in Singapore is just meeting but with old friends to catch up, or complete my Christmas shopping or work or something like that.

Munched on these delightful little nuts on our first trip towards Auckland City. We stopped at some overpriced supermart to pick some tidbits up to fuel us after a 10 hour flight. Also doubled up as breakfast, considering the 5 hours we lost on the flight there.

Pretty setup for the bakery over at the supermarket, but the price of living in New Zealand easily scares me. Even I found London more affordable.

First meal over at the habour. Might have been one of the best but I can't really remember because I was indulging in too much good food throughout the trip already. Or maybe I was just too hungry then.

Fresh snappers up at the fish market

This bridge is easily an architectural genius. Pretty, photogenic, and it serves its function well enough. Supposedly some engineering feat built with little complex machinery back in the really old days, but of course I didn't bother with the specs.

Imagine if it belonged to me :D

Neat accomodation over at Auckland for two nights :)

Day two was spent over at Hamilton, where we visited the Hobbitons Movie Set experience (where Lord of the Rings was filmed). Although I didnt watch the movie(s), the visit there was still pretty worth my time! Except that the weather that day was sweltering hot, and I chose the wrong outfit to wear :(

Hills and mountains on the bus ride up :)

My happy parents dancing by the party tree. cute right? teeheees

I had pretty much experienced similar farm visits in Australia, so it's nothing special to me..

Anyway this was a really brilliant sunset I caught on my drive back to Auckland. Pity my dad couldnt stop for proper pictures, so this is pretty much just a snapshot :(
Such a pity right. Someday I may return again just to snap pictures, but of course with proper equipment bleah.

Day two dinner, steak, lamb, and lots of veal and unhealthy meat over at Novotel. Delicious but sinful.

Some random lake while driving to Taupo or Rotorua or somewhere. There are just too many lakes, streams, rivers, glaciers, mountains; too many scenic spots in New Zealand for me to remember exactly where is where :/

Sunset over at Lake Taupo, they are so dreamy right? I love sunsets a lot and those at Taupo really captivated me because it is easily the prettiest I've ever witnessed in my entire life. Plus all this view is just right outside my cabin, so all I had to do was run out after our random takeaway dinner and braved the rapidly declining temperatures during sunset to catch the breathtaking view. It was beautiful, really beautiful.

Pretty little cabin :) I liked staying there much more than hotel accommodations because nature was so close to me plus I didn't had to run up and down IDK how many stories when I left something in the car.

Chance upon this while waiting for our takeaway dinner

Some geothermal plant

Welcome to Hell Gates, one of the more active volcano craters in Rotorua.....meaning the whole place stank of sulphur.....like someone doing a mega fart all the time, so we spent half the time pinching our noses and trying to escape the merciless rays of the sun....

Hardly any scenery unlike the lush greenery along the roads of New Zealand. It's pretty much a barren wasteland with bubbling black pits of water every here and there, all reeking of sulphur. Full of warning signs at every turn to warn you of the danger of staying off the track, which earns you the opportunity of having your feet soaked at boiling temperatures, with acidity somewhere near that of gastric juices in your stomach. In layman terms, you will get 'digested' literally by all those pools. (FYI, the traditional Maori used them to boil pigs for festivals, and it was crudely effective because in under two hours, the whole pig can be cooked tender enough to eat)

Next was Huka Falls, one of the largest waterfalls in North Islands (i think?)

Super strong currents. One drop and you're KO.

But there are always brave souls ready for an adventure :) If I was courageous enough with plenty of funds to spare, I'll do this too lol. Riding down a waterfall this rapid is....no joke.

Busy little bees collecting honey to process New Zealand's famous manuka honey, renown for their healing properties. Out of over 1500+ shots of bees and flowers for a few good hours, this has got to be the best. Imagine the agony I went through reviewing the photos. :O

Hamilton Gardens and some memorial, don't ask me what it is. Just not good with such stuffs D;

Lake Rotorua :) This was better than Taupo because the lake was just right outside my hotel and all I had to do was to walk out to enjoy the sea breeze. Only the crazy temperatures always made me hesitate, but it's picture worthy enough to convince me to brave the cold.

Pretty or what ;)

Some famous beach for sufers or something.....and there are migatory birds during our period of travel. But I lost my phone then and was feeling all panicky, so I took only a few snapshots and quickly drove off to retrieve my phone back at the ice cream shop. What luck right? D; Thankfully New-Zealanders (natively known as Kiwis) are nice friendly people to want to steal my phone for their own good. Thumbs up for that! :)

Skycity tower in Auckland :)

Visited the weekend market on our last day in Auckland. These little takoyaki balls, warmly made with love by a Japanese couple living there, really saved my life because they kept me warm when I forgot to bring my jacket out. And the winds at the habour gets really crazy so it gets really really cold :(
Anyhow they were yummy and probably the cheapest food sold in the market, for the cost of living in NZ is really too high for us to think of spending on anything else D:

I'm saving the best for the last. :) The highlight of the entire trip, something apart from the captivating landscape my eyes were treated to on a minute basis and the feast of steaks and racks of lambs for every dinner, had to be the visit to Tamaki Maori Village.

A brief history for those who may not know what the Maoris are. Basically they're the ingenious people of New Zealand, before tourists from Europe migrated over to make up majority of the genetics of present-day population. The traditional Maori led a life pretty much similar to the tribal kinds you've read about in books or watched in TV programs/movies.

Pretty much fascinated with the whole village even if it is just some Maori actors playing dressed up, because it looked rather authentic (at first glance that is), and our guide was a really witty and good-nurtured fellow who cracked really really awesome jokes. Extremely entertaining, and it undoubtedly made the whole trip better than some mere excursion.

Entrance of Marae (Village)

The 'warriors' then performed the karanga (welcome call), and proceeded with a challenge like battle stance.

I had to really say that it was convincing, and the acting was solid.

Performing the hongi - where you hold hands and press noses twice with the other party. It's a form of greeting in their culture, and it was pretty interesting!

We were then allowed to walk around the village and visit the huts, and mingle with the 'villagers' or take part in their games/activities.

The Hangi Pit where rocks are placed and food is cooked under a layer of dirt, using energy from within the ground (geothermal energy)

Lo and behold - our dinner!

The Hangi (Feast)

Although the whole night was just one of simple performances with music, dances, and so forth, it was really really the warmth and sincerity of the people that touched me. Though they acted as part of their living, they were all true Maori descendants, and the message they all hoped to carry across was clear: to protect their culture from being swept away by the influences globalisation carries. Maybe being naturally entertaining is carried in their bloods, for all seemed to be gifted with really good vocals (even the drivers which acted as guides). It's really hard to put some thoughts and experience in words.

It was just the warmth that I felt, the sincere words enunciated by the people, the kind of expression in their eyes that really got my heart wrenching that entire night. It felt like there was a purpose in my trip, like I've finally found something more meaningful than all the fine-dining and scenery feasting. There was culture to be appreciated, and a different kind of life to understand. Sad, but though-provoking. The night culminated with probably one of the best road trips ever. A short half hour ride that brought all the tourists on the bus that night, across so many countries; from Russia to Malaysia to Brazil to Ireland to the States and Australians, together. We had fun with songs, games, and talked about our country. It was just such a breath-taking experience that I'm having difficulty conjuring up my thoughts then to find the right things to type.

I returned back to my hotel room, happy as a lark, with my heart skipping all night. happiness with a purpose, is indeed everlasting happiness. Though the details of the entire trip is turning sketchy in my mind, the warmth I felt in my heart right at the moment of songs after dinner, and the clapping and cheers of all the audience, really brought a smile to me. I'm glad that I haven't been out on this trip in vain. No doubt, I've led the high life indulging in exquisite cuisine and soaking in the tableau of streams, waterfalls & mountains, but none could beat the kind of experience I've been put through on that faithful night. Those moments, would remain long in my heart, and for anyone visiting Rotorua, I'll tell you, this is really a MUST to visit, or you'll just risk leaving the country empty handed like I've though I would before this visit to the village, living the mere empty life of indulging in material luxury. It's ironic because I suppose most people travel to unwind, and live such a life for a couple of days/weeks, but I'll make a mindful note to make sure that in all future escapades, I'll try to bring back a learning point for me to grow as a better person. :)

Xmas 2011

2011-12-25T00:53:00.003+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE^^

Lazy to add anything else, but I had a really greatttt time today. Met Cenga (some long lost friend), attended service (like wow right hahahhaa) and went over to Nat's place for dinner! first time having turkey ham, meat loaf, gingerbread cake, and all the traditional stuff for xmas so it's really nice. And her own family was so cool! I'm envious but oh well. I just lead a sad life.

Too lazy to upload anymore Auckland photos or anymore photos for that matter. KL trip was superb even though it's just Malaysia, but remind me I'm growing really FAT please. All I do is eat and eat for everyday of the month, especially when I'm overseas :( Even my grandma comments I'm growing too fat for my own good. :(

And................

This is early, but I swear in 2012, ~~I'm not going to waste myself on anyone who wont reciprocate or at the least, appreciate. There is no point, I feel.~~ But of course, my heart knows different. What a world.

Up and Away

2011-12-12T06:42:00.002+08:00

Left school for a good few weeks already, end of A's was somewhere two weeks ago but it felt like it had ended a good long time to me already ever since the official graduation. Plus I've been pretty much slacking all this while, so it really doesn't seems to make much of a difference to me....Whether I'm screwed or not I shall leave it to March when the dreaded day of the release of results come.

Somehow, I've really forgotten what studying felt like ever since the slackful periods (self-study breaks) came.....I know I haven't put in my best towards the end, but what the heck now.

Up at 6am because I'm still suffering from jetlag after touching down from Auckland yesterday evening. New Zealand is a beautiful country, but really not my cup of tea because being part of the wired youth generation, I'm really having difficulty not keeping in touch with my friends for anything more than a day on my phone. It's really a sad sad world that the only thing that seems to matter to us more these days is our smartphone screen and even the beauty of the landscape hardly captivated me for anything more than a mere breath. Sad, really.

But still saying, it has been good for such a well-deserved holiday. After the last (badly done) mcq paper, time seems to have flew by. Maybe because it's all the good times. Karaoke + Orchard with the clique, then off to New Zealand and yeah now it's time for work before flying off again to KL next week with the rest, xmas, New Year, and wham, 2011 is over. Ever wondered why December seems to be the month that flashes past the fastest? I barely ended my last paper on the 1st of December and it feels like 2012 will already come soon.. :/

Truckloads of pictures real soon. I miss all my pictures. My camera has been nothing but a white elephant for the past few months, and it's time to bring it out again. Can't wait. Life has finally begun :)

Wrong

2011-11-08T23:51:00.001+08:00

I hate myself cus I ALWAYS make wrong decisions. Life is so fucked up like this.

The last 5 days

2011-11-03T21:47:00.008+08:00

Spent my halloween on Sat with Joreen. Caught 'The Thing' at Cine and I felt it was just a waste of time + money. Nothing worthy about that movie actually...

And then came the naughty idea to head over to cq to check the atmosphere out. Needless to say, we ended up joining the queue for THE DEATH LAB at Rebel -.-

Anyway the whole deco was pretty good, although I'm not sure if all the half sober people around actually appreciated it uhh. Do check out their pics on fb if you weren't there! :) Hype was pretty good, but after 2 whole hours in the queue my patience was wearing seriously thin and the nagging feeling at the back of my mind to just be a good girl and head home didnt help matters. Plus our mood was already pretty soured from all the waiting. But just so happened Jo saw WK and his friends at the front of the queue, so heh, party's still on!!!! :)

Overall great night out, I enjoyed myself quite a bit but I didnt really stayed at rebel I guess. for the first 15 minutes or so before I got bored and left the place to look for K at se7en Inch. Also boring actually but still better than nothing & I can't complain. But maybe you can say half my mind is wrecked up now cus I feel confused, just confused, but that's another story for another day to be left unsaid.

Round two at Zirca was better, goood music and yeah, more or less the first time clubbing without getting any higher on the drinks cus I told myself I had to study the next day and no hangover is gonna ruin me. But dancing sober, somehow was just less fun :( Okay another better time. It was sad to see so many people wasted as early as like 1am? Like totally gone outside and worse, without any friends till the bouncers had to search around for his ID :X

KEKEKE this has got to be the cutest costume I've seen around. Caught LMFAO's robot, Obama, Angry Birds, half naked men in diapers as well as the usual hordes of Jokers, Vampires & Ghouls too:)

Fast forward to Tues & met up Celest again at Marriott Hotel for work. Or perhaps to enjoy life. It was so so so slack and half the time they were just telling us to rest, help ourselves to the sumptuous spread of food. Needless to say, it's just more & more camwhoring. Heh I managed to finish studying a few bio topics during all the long breaks we had. Actually, we only 'worked' during the seminar breaks so yeah every other time was just free & easy. Good money I like hehehee :)

And yes, last 5 days, endure people. Jiayous everybody!! :) We're so near the end, I cannot wait to taste FREEDOM

Laughter really makes a good medicine

2011-10-27T11:48:00.005+08:00

12 more days to the big A's, and I'm getting bored of studying. I think I can too sick and tired of things real easily, which is clearly not a good thing when it comes to studying cus I'm still struggling with some concepts etc and TIME IS RUNNING SO FAST.

Plus the stupid flu that is half killing me with such a terrible headache, hate all these flu bugs ttm I swear TT

Anyway, here are some pictures I'll share over the past month haha. October is going to end soon, and then Nov, and then Dec, and 2011 goes just like this.

Dinner with Celest last weekend. It was the bomb!! HAHA I love spending all that time with her, we're so uber high half the time and we do really really silly things. Like deciding we wanted some drinks so super last min-ly, we just trained over to Avatar for their ladies free flow. sooooo sad I cant stay to club, perhaps another time. Ahhhhh can't wait for this hellish exams to finally end!

PRETTYFACE I JEALOUS MAX

Fun, happy times:)

What are we really deep down inside us?

2011-10-19T11:51:00.002+08:00

Maybe sometimes I really think too much, and at best, it's time to let myself go bit by bit.
It's not the best solution, but it helps. so we just accept it and life goes on.

Don't tell me I'm being cynical or merely escaping from my problems by not addressing its root cus face it, time has taken so much and too much away it's really impossible to turn back time now and just think everything will be fine. It's not just plain naive; it's utterly stupid.

We're forever living with choices

2011-10-10T02:39:00.002+08:00

Just a bunch of irresponsible adults in my life, and I'm so not going to give a damn anymore

So so so very unhappy with my life but idk what I can do. No more motivation/interest in school, every subject is screwed to the max, I even did badly for econs this time round, what more can be said? And it's a time when most pick up and shoot, yes very evidently from all the Bs and Cs I see everywhere. And me? I actually allowed myself to slip so much to the point I'm failing. Yes yes so what if I used to do fairly okay? Now I'm just not interested in taking my A's at this juncture anymore. And I don't even have a month left to the big A's anymore. What is wrong with me?

Instead, I'm idling my life away doing senseless things. Come on, wake up. wake up. When will I do so? right down to the very last second before I step into the exam hall? At least then, there is salvation (k maybe not so). really la. WTF is wrong with me I need to know. And no, all this shit at home is not helping. Not a bit. I never expected you guys to be encouraging me or what but just stop adding to my troubles and I'll be glad enough. I'm thankful because I know I have friends who care and it's really a comforting thought and relief to know people actually do bother.

Fear of wasting my life and restarting it in poly again is the only thing barely keeping me going. But true motivation shouldn't come from fear; rather, it ought to come from within. And I'm lacking that. The race against time is so clear I really cannot afford to lose this time round. Bless me.

F1 GrandPrix

2011-10-01T14:47:00.008+08:00

Finally uploading all the F1 pics! As well as all the post prelims outings picsss :)

Finally caught Smurfs with Shuying on Wednesday after the paper 2s! Smurfing gooooood :) I like a lot hehehe.
Then just walked and shopped a bit, caught up with her and enjoyed myself so much :D

Then finally....the much awaited Friday came which officially marked the end of prelims!! :D
Headed to town for lunch with love as well as early bday celebration for her :) Caught Johnny English together and it's so funny and enjoyable! Had a really good time with her and I miss her so muchhhhh I wish A's will quickly end so I can spend more time with her and everyone else.

been so long since I dined at Applebee's. The lunch offer is really good and reasonable for it's quality. Loveeee my Chicken salad a lot it's so yummy.

DEAR♥♥

After that headed to meet Celest. We had VIP TICKETS TO F1 OMG LA SO SHIOOKKKKKK.

It is so pretttyyy can haha I sound bimbz here but I really love it a lot, even the grandstand tickets pales in comparison to this I swear the whole white card is so nice and even the lanyard is unlike the plain ones the other ticket holders have. VIP JUST SHIOK LOR :D

But ironically, we spend more time at the F1 Village just taking pics, walking around to soak up the atmosphere than spending it at the tracks. Cus I also bth, the cars were SO loud okay I swear my eardrums were blowing and we were too lazy to find our seats so we just randomly went to any (doesn't matters since we're vip and we have access to everywhere hahahha). Right at the front but I didn't think it was very good view. Anyway I'm no fan of F1 and I got bored like after 15 minutes?? And the sound of burning tyres every other few minutes was totally deafening and I didn't really enjoy it. I'm sorry but I just don't get F1. It sounds fun and but being on the racetracks is like entirely different and while it was fun, it just wasn't really my thing. I love F1 more for the hype it generates, all the after parties are just so cool la haha.

And btw we complete fail we travelled on train from Gate 1 to Gate 4 to Gate idk what to catch the whole F1 thing but we were so preoccupied with the hype/talking we kept missing our stops zzzzz

F1 wristbands :D

OH AND I WANTED THE FERRARI POLO BUT SO EXPENSIVE LA :(

I spent less than 20 minutes on the tracks even though it's F1 so pardon the like non-existent pics of the cars :/

And then after concert to catch GD & TOP :D
TOP so much more handsome IRL can *drooools*

Suengri also :D

Had so much fun with girlfriend last Friday I really missed it so much!! By the time everything ended we were hot sweaty tired and everything but we still somehow managed to walk to Clarke Quay to catch the last trains home at 1am.
Club music was so tempting but I didn't party at all :)

Okay la then again it's cos I had alr plan to head down on Sat. Rebel/zirca had lollipop weekend!! :)

With steph!! :)

But let's just say shit happens so we didn't party there in the end, so sad luh and we cabbed down to ph to club instead. though dj kzee was good, I just didnt like the place at all. Miss rebel suddenly :/
Oh wells there is always after A's and I shouldnt be complaining about this at all (I'm really not la) because I still had a pretty decent time after all! :)

Unfortunately being the bad mood killer it's back to reality this week, Oct has started and it's only a month left to A's. really the final lap and I need to start bucking up and getting serious because my prelims were really cmi but I'll save that for another post maybe tmr night.

Let's just keep this post happy :)

AUGUST

2011-09-24T02:42:00.004+08:00

I know this pictures came in SUPER late, but oh well, thought I'll update this dead space with some pictures. Some happenings in Aug:

-Basically boring month, chionging homework every night, sleeping at 2/3 at my earliest and waking up at 6am, though I felt it was quite slack compared to my 4/5am sleeping schedule during July... :/

Some random day I met up with Celest to collect IT fair conmission! Unfortunately for being such a bad salesperson my conmission was damn pathetic, like the least among everyone :/
Shall work harder at the next one!! :)

Weifang! :D
Working during NDP while everyone busied themselves catching fireworks at town/television. Oh well, double pay so no complains :D

Met the IT fair girls again for some random dinner at Vivo to catch up :)

Cathh :)

Some random day out shopping + lunch with Eleanor!
The pizza and pasta was good but unfortunately the chicken in the pizza was yuck so we had to take it out one by one and just enjoy the good old plain pizza ^^

MY HAPPY BALLOON^^
I coaxed everyone like crazy to hunt for this high and low at the natas fair, and so happy I got it!! muhahhahhaa. okay, I do behave like a kid at times >.<

with cliantha :)

HAPPY 20th TO PATRICK :D
Surprised him with a cake after dinner at thaipan, the dishes there were not too bad and the pork ribs was really good! And the dishes were quite affordable + we still saved like 50% off from SK's groupon. hehhehe.
Too bad the dinner was so filling we were struggling to finish the cake from Cedele. But it fared pretty well too.
Anyway it's so sad that this may be the last time we can celebrate his birthday for him until years later once he leave for his studies end year.. :(
Then again, at least there's still the end year trip to look forward to! :)

Alright this pretty much sums up my boring August it's already nearing the end of September hahaha I'm like totally living in my own slow world. goshhhhhh I cannot wait for A's the end and all the real fun to begin!

Today marks the last day of prelims and I HAD SO MUCH FUN. I'll update more in the next post I guess ^^
Nights for now :D

#WaysToPissMeOff

2011-08-30T20:42:00.002+08:00

1. Nag non-stop after you've woken me up from a good sleepy VERY RUDELY (eg slapping me, pinching me, kicking me YES MY PARENTS LOVE DOING THAT) Worse they nag and nag and nag non-stop and except me to start performing household chores when I'm still feeling all groggy.
2. Messing around with my allowance. I'm not asking for much but it irritates me deeply when my money gets deducted all the ridiculous basis that I am rich because I have worked for three hours on a public holiday. No, I do not even earn $50 thankyouverymuch. Fuck this shit when I want a new dress and decide to work for it but all that goes to naught because in the end I'm working for nothing; just to lighten an already non-existent burden on my parents.
3. Ruin my mood after a relatively alright week. Yes, you guys just achieved that grats big time. I was just in the mood to blog and then study and then you have to give me this shit.

Okay actually only #2 was the trigger but then I really hate it when I'm broke and you rub into it. FML

Walls should talk

2011-08-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

Okay I'm just annoying like this. There is nothing I really want to say but so much on my heart things feel so heavy. I should be studying but.....recently I really seem to be losing interest in everything I do, I just want this shit to end like now now now because I'm so on the verge of losing myself more each day.
Like....I just wish someone can be there to feel me, and listen to me although I have no words. But I must be dreaming right? Because except for the reflection of vibration of soundwaves there's really nothing else...oh well, I see no reason why I should be boring others with my silence too, especially when everyone is busy studying for their exams.
Okay life sucks, so I better suck it up real deep.

When you stand on your own, you'll emerge stronger than before.

2011-08-05T01:50:00.002+08:00

Actually I have no idea what I'm doing at this time of the night on a Thursday and I'm not studying for any of the shit tests tmr. Screw my Fridays from now on, it's only WTFIF. If I see myself signing up for the econs time trial, it'll probably mean like 3 consecutive tests every Friday. And I feel like dying after chem test alr -.-

But I have zero rights to be complaining really. And I had better kick this habit of whining around like some naggy bitch, I hate myself so effing much for that because I find myself super annoying at times too and I dislike how much I wallow in undeserving self-pity. I can see that the lives of my friends are no where better off; everyone's going through the same shit and sucking it up so there's no reason for me to act like a loser and complain about every other thing, no? Although at times, I do wish I can just loosen my hold on the thinning line between insanity and sanity, and let myself slip a little more. The sole worrying fact is not knowing when I'll ever get up, or find my way up again if I choose to let go.

It is tempting to break down and let myself be weak just so you might care. Then I thought about it, and realised how foolish this is. Because it won't be love, it would be mere pity and that's the last thing I want from you. In any case, the moral of the story still stands that I should pay attention more during lessons and stop letting my mind wander into illusions. The startling and scary fact is when you do not even know if what's around you is real or not. It has come to the point I'm so close to asking, am I the real me now? What I've been doing for the past few weeks/months doesnt seems to reflect so. Or maybe I'm stereotyping, I'm just returning back to the devil I once was, I have no idea....

And all that guilt for not revising for tmr's tests must have saved me. Sorted my thoughts and yes, at least for now, I'll have to break free. Slowly but surely, and I realised there was instantaneous liberation. Felt so good I couldnt describe it. So for now, everything's gone. Back to books, mugging, and more sleepless nights.

Shrouded in my thoughts somewhere though, I knew, at least for that instant, it was real. And I wished for it to be so.

Wished you were here.

2011-08-02T20:48:00.002+08:00

Lack of updates because I'm lazy, nothing interesting is happening; it's just school school school school and more school. Boringshitz.
I sit half the time in lectures not knowing what the hell I'm actually absorbing, and sighhh I count 98 more days but I AM STILL NOT FOCUSED. Thinking more of partying than actually studying -.-

The only good thing is I think my maths is improving :D
After spending so much time every night preparing for the revision lectures/tutorials and re-doing the same questions again and again I guess I'm slowly getting the hang of things? And I'm finally reading my bio too, putting in effort so that's a good thing. The trade off is probably for chem though, where my grades are just falling, falling, falling -.-

Okay so these are the positives umm hmm. And basically learning how to survive on 2-3 hours of sleep or none every night, life is awesome huh.

Last (not so) random fact: Nathan is screwed....like SERIOUSLY-.- omgosh I hate GP lessons more than ever now.

Empty

2011-07-22T18:42:00.003+08:00

You don't understand how much I care actually. Maybe you don't show it too; maybe it's just you, but what deeply saddens me is how something so supposedly trival has escalated into some giant mountain. I can be crying to myself to sleep every night, but you won't know. And the scary and most depressing fact might just be the fact that I don't know if you care.

I counted nearly a month, initially I still believed. A week later I reflected. Days later I only remember the complete sense of helplessness I felt. Till today, things still sting and hurt so badly. And I'm still thinking, how did things ever come to such a state?

I'm so tired of the tears I shed, so tired of getting myself so upset, so exhausted with the emotional roller coaster life has been stringing me along. It's time to strip everything away...seal up the cracked wounds, steel myself, and start anew.....a lifeless soul devoid of feelings. I believe this is the only way things can get better.

We're nearing the end, so hang in there

2011-07-10T21:04:00.005+08:00

A good half year has gone by. Term 3 is starting tmr. I need to start running and I can't stop; neither can I afford to look back and slow down, I'm seriously DREADING it. Thinking of how long I'll have to spend everyday in school. How tired I will be when I'm back home. How I'll be staying up to rush through my homework and all the dark circles and eyebags I'll be suffering from it. How horrible will my weekends be, juggling work & hwk once again...prelims are gonna be so near and my final chance to prepare myself for A's. But as each day goes by, I'll just remind myself, I'm one day closer to freedom. I'll repress all my outings, feel to club and all till then. Just 4 more months. I'll push on. I'l survive.

Totally off topic but I'm craving for jap food tons and lots of it suddenly!! Sushi the other wed, and soba + tempura for dinner with K on fri. At this point I'll keep the pictures to ourselves first hahaha. My heart feels pretty unsettled though I really don't know actually....but reading sunday times today I just knew I HAD to try the ramen at illuma omg someone please go there with me soon I read until my mouth watering like crazy ohh and ichiban for my salshimi soon grahh. Then money matters again I've been spending like crazy, away from work for too long=no money I really really gotta control my spending somehow:(

kkaes that's all for so far, hopefully this wk will be gd. Things will clear up soon and all. I wna get back all the papers asap and hope i've scored as much as I deserved. Dun dare to talk abt doing well, cos I know for some subjects I totally screwed it alr. But there are subjects that I really put in effort for and I really want to see results. Something encouraging, please? But to keep things positive I guess so far, it has been pretty alright. Im quite satisfied but gna keep pushing myself harder from this point. Alrighty off to do complex tutorial now :>

I need to make a confession

2011-07-09T18:25:00.002+08:00

Got this from CY:

* I am a male.
* I am a girl.
* I am (shorter than) 5’4.

* I think I’m ugly.
* I have many scars.
* I tan easily.
* I wish my hair was a different colour.
* I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.
* I have a tattoo.
* I am self-conscious about my appearance.
* I have/I’ve had braces.
* I wear glasses.

* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
* I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
* I have more than 2 piercings.
* I have piercing in places besides my ears.
* I have freckles.
* I’ve sworn at my parents.
* I’ve run away from home.
* I’ve been kicked out of the house.
* I have a sibling less than one year old.
* I want to have kids someday.
* I’ve lost a child.
* I’m in school.
* I have a job.
* I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
* I’ve stolen something from my job.

* I’ve gotten laid off from work.
* I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
* Disney movies still make me cry.
* I’ve peed from laughing.
* I’ve snorted while laughing.
* I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
* I’ve glued my hand to something.
* I’ve had my pants rip in public.
* I was born with a disease/impairment/disability.
* I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
* I’ve broken a bone.
* I’ve had my tonsils removed.
* I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
* I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
* I had a serious surgery.
* I’ve had chicken pox.
* I’ve had measles.
* I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
* I’ve been on a plane.
* I’ve been to Canada.
* I’ve been to Mexico.
* I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
* I’ve been to Japan.
* I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
* I’ve been to Europe.
* I’ve been to Africa.
* I’ve gotten lost in my city.
* I’ve seen a shooting star.
* I’ve wished on a shooting star.
* I’ve seen a meteor shower.
* I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
* I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
* I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
* I’ve been to a casino.
* I’ve been skydiving.
* I’ve gone skinny dipping.
* I’ve played spin the bottle.
* I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
* I’ve crashed a car.
* I’ve been skiing.
* I’ve met someone in person from Tumblr/Facebook/Twitter
* I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
* I’ve been in a play.
* I’ve seen the Northern lights.
* I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
* I’ve played chicken.
* I’ve played a prank on someone.
* I’ve ridden in a taxi.
* I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
* I’ve eaten sushi.
* I’ve been snowboarding.
* I’m engaged.
* I’m married.
* I’ve gone on a blind date.
* I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
* I miss someone right now.
* I have a fear of abandonment.
* I’ve gotten divorced.
* I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
* I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
* I’ve told someone I didn’t like/love them when I did.
* I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
* I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
* I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
* I’ve been kissed in the rain.
* I’ve hugged a stranger.
* I have kissed a stranger.
* I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
* I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
* I’ve snuck out of my house.
* I have lied to my parents about where I am.
* I am keeping a secret from the world.
* I’ve cheated while playing a game.
* I’ve cheated on a test.
* I’ve run a red light.
* I’ve been suspended from school.
* I’ve witnessed a crime.
* I’ve been arrested.
* I’ve consumed alcohol.
* I’ve passed out from drinking.
* I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
* I’ve taken pain killers when I didn’t need them.
* I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
* I’ve done hard drugs.
* I have cough drops when I’m not sick
* I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
* I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression
* I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
* I shut others out.
* I’ve taken anti-depressants.
* I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
* I had hurt myself on purpose.
* I’ve woken up crying.
* I’m afraid of dying.
* I hate funerals.
* I’ve seen someone die.
* Someone close to me has committed suicide.
* I’ve planned my own suicide.
* I’ve attempted suicide.
* I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
* I own over 5 rap CDs.
* I own an iPod or MP3 player.
* I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
* I own multiple designer purses.
* I own something from Hot Topic.
* I own something from Pac Sun.
* I collect comic books.
* I own something from Gap.
* I like girls.
* I like guys.
* I’ve been close to being homeless.
* I’ve had someone close to me almost die.
* I’ve been in more then one Near Death Experience.
* I have been accused of something that I never did.

Backdated

2011-07-02T21:22:00.003+08:00

Thought I'll finally share the pictures from last Monday's BBQ! :)
Mojito Innov (the company I worked for during the PC show) invited us to a bbq to thank us for helping them out during the show + collect pay. Okay the second reason is so so so important I even forsake the fact I had an econs paper the next day in the morning. Okay luhs, it's also cos I missed those girls + ecp is not really that far away from where I live, unlike the rest who had train-ed for almost an hour there :/

Gahh okay somehow or another I dislike taking pics with them. All so pretty and I feel like shit next to them :(

Celest♥♥
forever so chio! :D

Marjorie has pretty pretty rings!!

Mugging while waiting for the rest to turn up¬

Meet Shin - chef of the day!
STEAMBOOT YO (inside joke)

Anyway later on we celebrated Sophia (belated), Celest & some other guy I-forgot-his-name birthday yepz! Didnt include Shin cos he had a mega one at Dempsey, laughing when I heard Wesley & Lionel recount how he died while tanking waterfall on his own...*peifu*

Bottoms up! (Vodka Coke)
Won't deny the vodka was good stuff though, not the usual kinds you find around in clubs. But I seriously swear I controlled myself cos of econs the next day. Though I still took some beer & vodka & Wesley made me take the sakae as well:/

Okay seriously I just look so bad in all the pictures super cui face + not exactly ideal camera angle :/
Alright I'm just finding excuses

Big group photo!!

ohoh and we all chipped in a pretty present for the bday girl, Sophia did most of the work & she's awesome! :)

Yeah okay I had an awesome time that day though I exceeded my curfew (no surprises already honestly), and everyone had to leave early cos of work/school/exams(me). Still, I'm very glad I went despite a paper the next day cos it was really gooood ;)

I didn't regret accepting the job though pay wasnt particularly ideal and no friends to work with, cos I made some great ones at the end of the day where we can really just crap so much on fb, chat about everything and I'm so looking forward to working with them again at Natas fair! :)

On a sidenote, I think I'm not trying my best for the recent MYEs sighzx but I don't want to be whining because I only have myself to blame for being so moodless to touch my books esp on Thursday when I wasted an entire day so my pure maths the next day was like half the questions were not touched I pray hard paper 1 & stats can pull me up, pray no carless mistakes and I'm starting find the motivation again so maybe I can start studying later at night luhs :) Body clock totally screwed, cannot sleep and toss in bed despite yawning at 2am and having to wake up at 6am :/

Just went for a swim though and it felt so good, exercise is a natural anti-depressant we don't take enough advantage of. But I'm turning really lousy, dying just after 10+ laps in the pool :( okayyy after A's I'm seriously gonna get a healthier lifestyle, exercise + watch what I eat everyday!

Things are slightly better than ytd (super fml day ugh) and I hope it stays that way. July, pleaseeee be good!

WHY

2011-06-30T16:15:00.002+08:00

Why in life every decision you makes determine a thousand others? Why past mistakes and regrets haunt you time and time again?

Why is it always the same repeated disappointments? Or is it time for me to really just accept the fact that things have changed, it's no longer possible, I'll be only stuck as an option till this far. I hate it how at the end of the day there's no one I can blame but myself. WTF.

So sick of everything already. I just want to hide under a rock and idle my life away.

Incoherent Nonsense

2011-06-22T23:29:00.002+08:00

Take my advice, and just ignore reading this post. I just need some space to rant.

Stressed out and everything. It's a freaking wednesday already. What have I fucking achieved? Next to nothing. Screwed screwed screwed shit I don't even dare to take the guts to think of actually completing my revision already. I'm so not productive at home, so fucking distracted all the time and I read at a horribly slow snail pace. Supposed to have finished integration today, but guess what, I haven't even got a chance to finish reading the tutorials. Win or not.

Hate the way my life is right now. No outings, no fun, just pure mugging. It sucks so much I'm not looking forward to MYEs/A's or just school reopening. Hate having to face all the shit again, hate how everything is the way it is, detest our school life is sucha bitch. A complete one. I'm so so so so counting down to the final day of liberation and relieve from hell. 2 years with datelines to meet every other day, so much pressure to perform, a neverending pile of work & not exactly supportive social circle is no joke. It can break anyone apart, and I'm so on the verge of just losing it all.

Fuck everything seriously. How much more can I take exactly?!

21 Days

2011-06-22T00:36:00.002+08:00

Since it's past midnight, I'll consider today a wednesday....
so that means.....

3 more weeks to end of MYE fuckyeah. Okay I'm so happy and stoked because I have 9218317 plans for the 4 days of break (Fri=self declare holiday)

Okay la this post is so absurd when I'm not even halfway ready for MYEs......?
Econs is probably the only thing I've finished revising but then again bleax Idk what kind of revision I should consider it since I take so long to bring my facts up??

Maths is halfway there although there are some topics I'm totally giving up on. :( yes, you vectors. :/ And maybe even stats. SIGH

Bio.....don't even mention cos I havent even complete half the J1 syllabus...crap. >:(

And well chem is worse because I haven't started on organic at all yet (Y) and even inorganic I only did atomic joke or not!!! sianmax but the good thing is that I'm slowly turning productive like I'm mugging nearly the entire day ok so proud just for this fact :/

21 more days!!!!

Everyday I'm shufflin'

2011-06-17T21:30:00.007+08:00

group photo :)

I think it's like my first proper picture with Debbie? HAHAS

Weifang so prettttyyy!!

At zirca's dancefloor...

with catherine

Joreen!! :D

Cotton On peeps hehehe

Hit Zirca/rebel on Wed when Debbie msg-ed me :) Decided to just take a break from studying (WTF I'm been taking too many :/) to just let loose and totally didn't regret. It was good and I stayed till the club closed? Hehe too bad everyone was half gone and i was too sober to enjoy myself :/

Still, had a great time with the girls and looking forward to the next time again! Pardon me cos I'm in shorts and flats and look so horrid :( ugh but bo bian cos I told my parents I go chalet though they still found out the truth eventually -.- haizz doubt i can ever head out again till A's end? In fact i want it to end now!! dying to just forget everything and party max every night. Okay I sound so hardcore now kekeke!!

Highest when all my fav songs were playing! esp party rock!! :) Shiok ttm!! And so nice of kah wee to send us home :) so overall, it was still a good good night. Too bad I'm turning good girl till A's end so not hitting again tonight :( Must stop getting tempted and remind myself C should only come after A's! hahaha okay it's lame but i've been like high (wrong time, wrong place srsly). And ytd's hangover was terrible. All that whiskey/martell/vodka mixer totally killed me and I was so zombie-ish the entire day. LOL thing was we ran into weifang/mia there too so next day at work half of us was so zombie too. Cotton On overrun by zombies! Zombies VS clothes. arghh okay I'm getting lamer.

Gonna mug my ass now. Till then ;)

MID JUNE

2011-06-15T01:31:00.003+08:00

I think I haven't been blogging for the longest time ever.
There's nothing much interesting happening though. It's just a daily routine of trying to get work then, keep my savings where it should be and head out once in a while. The feeling of being tied down with a (almost) screwed up MYEs is no joke. :(

Some photos to keep this space alive though there aren't many cos I'm getting lazy to bring my camera out (can't even rmb the last time it wasnt stuck in the dry cabinet) and even if I do, I just can't be bothered to upload anymore pics :/ Sigh where has all the laziness been going.

PC Show 2011 the past few days. It was nice really meeting awesome company and the girls were a really fun bunch though sales was bad and the crowd was really lackluster. basic pay can be considered pretty pathetic, but I guess what matters was the whole experience! It's my first time working IT fairs but I can't really say if I'll be doing this again. Not easy to bring in sales and there's a lot of undercutting etc going around + freaking tiring from standing and talking. I kinda miss knowing new people with all the temporary jobs after working for so long (7 months & counting ;O ) at Cotton On. If it's money wise probably a big no since basic is quite little as compared to Cotton On and the hours are long unless I'm gonna get better with sales and bring in more conmission.

Celest ♥♥
MY CUTE BABE :D

Okay my pics are too blurry so shall just wait for Carrin to accept my friend request, finally upload pics and (insert guy's name whom I forgot) to upload his share. Okay but I dare say my overall work experience was pretty satisfactory, met nice people, A and all although it was kinda sad uhh but shadn't elaborate.

Oh and zirca/rebel last friday with beatrice! Awesomezx just that we had to leave early. And urghh 23rd June is SO tempting.

Okay I think the next date I'm looking forward to would be after MYEs. Need to party....so badly :/

Enough said, no?

2011-06-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

The most horrible thing in life is not when you're falling. It's realising that there's no one there true enough for you when you're falling and be your pillar of support.

When the stage lights goes off...

2011-06-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

Fuck my life because it's so bad, nothing's going right, no one cares, there's nobody there and you don't care. Nearly on the verge of tears with everything bottling up for days and no one I can really talk to; no one really understands. Or should I just said, because no one cares? Maybe I'm insignificant, but just as well, it'll make leaving easier eh? Pathetic and forever wallowing in self pity but I can't help it. It's probably the only thing that will keep me from losing my sainty. It just takes so much to hold everything together and so little to just let go and lose it all. More than disappointed, I'm utterly heartbroken. But I guess I only have myself to blame for expecting so much.

At the end of the day, guess what? It's still this pathetic little space that listens and lets me vent out all my emotions before they drive me crazy. I guess things have changed so much to the point that I'm a mere stranger. Yknow, words are just words now. They seem absolutely meaningless to me despite saying so much. At a complete loss, unsure of what to do, and so tired from everything. Trying my best to pretend it's okay. Not knowing where to start from, not knowing how it's ever possible you can understand and just be there for me a little longer. Not knowing how I should be even feeling now. Sad, angry, disappointed, upset? Do I even have a right to be?

People can be so scary at times, relations so fragile, promises so empty, I'll be better off living in some isolated island far far away from the world. Away from the constant facade that gets harder to keep up everyday. And then again, I guess it all doesn't matters. Cuz no one cares, and yes, even you.

Guess I better start learning to expect less.

SIGH

2011-05-29T23:01:00.002+08:00

Honestly stop thinking I'm rich just 'cos I draw a monthly salary. Someone should see the sacrifice behind it. All the FML days at work. Days when I have to rush from school to home to work and not get a proper rest till it's way past midnight. At the expense of even enjoying a simple dinner with my friends or eating at home or having time for anything or anyone. No, don't get me wrong 'cos I'm not lamenting about work but rather, my point is, if you don't see the sacrificies and think that the money came free, don't make senseless comments.

Worse is my grades are dropping...very...badly. Day before GP exam and I don't even see myself with much of a mood to read up on anyhing, not even the newspaper. Simply not trying hard enough, simply not trying my best. Sighh why can't life just be simpler.

In a world where you can be anything... be yourself.

2011-05-24T22:00:00.006+08:00

Hell yeah true.

But because it gives me strength, I'll just keep fighting and moving forward.

Facts of Life

2011-05-15T23:03:00.002+08:00

#1. Time is so real.
Yes it is. Things change so quickly and everything seems to be slipping out of grasp. This sucks :(

been long since I probably did a proper update...
Busy despite syf being over and all. I didnt even had a chance to blog about the whole experience cos schoolwork was piling up so very high.

So many things wieghing on my mind and my mood has like been kinda unstable and easily affected by trival matters? Like I dony mean to lose my cool unless of course you're beyond hope irritating and all. Sigh I feel that tmr shd be a hol cos I honestly dun feel like going to sch esp such a long haitus from Mondays already. at least tues is a holiday..with double pay! But sometimes I really need to figure out what's impt cos I realised I'm giving up too much for my work and all that cash when things much bigger are at stake? Fyi, my A levels bio spa is on the next day. Talk about fml.

And and I really hate how my thoughst are z still leading me around like a godamn fool but I dun wanna talk so much about it here or anywhere else..mayb, mayb if I keep this to myself it wont get out of hand? Must control myself...

At the end of the day, I still wanna give a big hug and thanks to all my friends..I'm dead sincere, cos i know so much tt w/o u guys, I really cldnt have come this far. And i shd learn to be a better friend to work harder at appreciating them all. All those little comments really made all the fml moments nah moments. :) Favour with God and Man yeah!! :)

P.S ignore the losers too ;)

HK DAY OUT

2011-05-01T12:17:00.002+08:00

For the first time......I'm not chasing Kpop stars!! Instead erm do you call that HKpop? Okay not really counted since they are not singers right? Okay actors. Luckily Fri no cca, so met up with Beatrice & her friends ^^

It was actually an autograph session we went to...my first time seeing Ron & Kevin live!!! woah woah Ron was so handsome and cute can!! I think we were screaming like really crazy girls from the 3rd floor..too bad Kevin looked so cui uh :(

Then some lucky fans (who boughted tickets & queued early to go for autograph session) were chosen to interact with them on stage. *ENVIOUS*

The girl in yellow is from Bosco's fan club!!!

LUCKY BITCH

hahahas there was even some small boy

Jealousssssssssssssss

I swear little girls get the best of best okay. Think of chul kissing Cassie!!!!! WTF LA

He really looks better as Yisheng in FH2 lor

Daring girl who took photos with ron despite it being 'banned'

Omgawd I'm such a bitch snatch other ppl's poster to take a picture....lols

Jaslyn & her Kevin banner hhahaha damn funny we kept laughing

Photo with Beatrice!!! ♥♥

My new dp wooohooo although Ron didnt look good in the poster but k whatever shuai IRL can liaos :>

Too bad ron kept looking the other side as he was leaving due to some LED Board! But whatever I was so lucky to have bosco turned back touched my hand hahaha I think it was cause my hand was just grabbing wildly at anything when I stood on the barricades lol and I think it was his hair that I messed up la that's why, lol lol lol lol.

Overall great day!!! So happy to be able like head out on a Friday and not holed up in school? SYF rehersal went okay I guess, 5 more practices and I'm done with MJCO I'm happy because I have time for myself now to study blah blah whatever but you can say it's a little bit of can't bear to. but overall still super glad and relieved and all.

Sat practice again in the morning was sian max though, seriously hate them ttm and work was also boring? and I didnt manage get any hwk done yet so screw me really I was supposed to do elearning for econs but switch on comp effectively means hardly any work will get done. I'm left with like 5 hours before I leave for work (DOUBLE PAY YAY) better focuss and be productive!!

And I think today will be different without you :( Omg why I still feel this way when I know it's impossible right, my thoughts are seriously running effing wild. >:(

Ma Maison

2011-04-24T22:21:00.004+08:00

Dined at Ma Maison with Robinsons clique for a good catch up session last Sunday! :)

Our food. Both me and del ordered their fishes; I had some grilled cod I think while she had baked oven snapper. I don't really remember exactly anymore but whatever it was, it was certainly yummy!!
Focus on the food and not my cui face kayzx.

My cute doggie from SK^^

I feel really inferior sandwiched in between pretty girls :(

The boys wanted to show off their skills at camwhoring...

But we've proven them that girls do it SO much better! Hah!

Oh this is supposed to be some GIF picture but I'm lazy to convert. Haha try to imagine it yourself! EPIC xD

Del and Cliantha had to leave early so we spent a long time thinking of where to chill before we headed home and SK came up with the MRT GAME where we would take whichever train came first and board till it reached the end of the line and on the train..we can camwhore and chit chat! haha but the trains were so crowded when it reached kallang I suggested we got off and brought them to my favourite haunt with dear at BLOCK FIVE.

The place there is actually pretty awesome if not for the crazy humid weather that day!!

Camwhore camwhore time!!

See the boys acting cool? HAHAHAS

Sheng kang wanted to be some vine man like some ripped off Tarzan imitation. :S

We took tons and tons of (failed) jumpshots then gave up because the ground was so sorching hot and nobody wanted to keep jumping >:(

Opps Patrick got cut off.

Haha okay he's back.

Brian aka (valuable) friend just cos he found me all the jobs I had, including my current one at Cotton On :)

Alright actually everyone's valuable and I'm really happy to meet everyone and catch up again! All geared up and excited for post A's plans when they ORD too!! Think cruise trips going on overseas shopping trips MINDS cafe clubbing Kbox ++++

And I might as well upload some of the photos we took at Puan's house that day for the MSP students to catch up!

Puan was really nice to prepare the food for us and we all brought some snacks potluck style!

Catch up as usual. Everyone seems to be doing pretty well, I feel kinda inferior actually when compared pit to pit because most are in better JCs and they are talking about H3s which I don't even have?
But they deserved all of it cos I know they work wayyy harder than I do. Hope everyone does well for their A's/uni admissions! :):)

I had tons of fun at Easter svc today too! happy to see my leaders getting baptized, from Wendy to Chloe to Cherie. Happy for all of them and grats to the others who were baptised today too!! I'm feeling more convicted for You with each day. Praise the Lord!! I feel so positive and happy after awesome weekends like this.

Cross my fingers this week will be good, I surprisingly managed to finish nearly all my homework and rushed through them over some 10 course dinner and now I'm left with elearning + MCQ and tons of loose ends like last para for GP, last few qns for Maths and Bio tut etc etc haha. Alright have a happy week everyone April's coming to an end (boo) but it's cos May's gonna just get better. God bless!! xx

MAY

2011-04-24T10:46:00.003+08:00

This is so early but I'm getting excited for May already!!

1) PAYDAY. Hell the company owes me a huge sum right now.

2) End of cca. End of torture. End of late dinners. End of hell. Okay happy happy happy.

3) 3 public holidays! (Labour day, Vesak Day & Polling day) Think of all the x2 pay, I pray hard I get shifts on those day thinking of $$$$$ makes me very excited haha.

Actually that's about all. Don't wanna list out the (-) points because I believe things will always emerge out good (:

Back from my Genting trip, wasn't particularly exciting but it feels kinda good to get out of the country just once in a while. Boo to the hwk I'm trying to rush out now though :( One day of holiday = x2 more homework. UGH. That's why I HATE holidays in JC. It's never a holiday -.-

HAPPY WEEKEND♥♥♥♥

2011-04-17T23:56:00.007+08:00

Just thought of sharing some pics from my phone hehehe mostly taken yesterday, though they come in really random order..

Sunset so pretty hehheh

Dug out some old cards I've received in the past! They always make me so happy to receive them and I keep all of them no matter how small. Love how pictures seals wonderful memories forever, and how such cards keep the sweetest message for decades. :)

DIY nails ytd morning. Okay ugly but whatever, I haven't painted them for ages.

Got this from sk! Hehheh so cute!

Card from sk, patrick, cliantha, melvin, brian & del. Thanks guys for the real sweet messages! :D
And all the cards from clique, hogc, love, section for my bday though I didn't picture them. Thanks guys!! ♥♥

Hahah shall upload the other photos next time after Patrick uploads them!

No Monday blues today cos I'm still in a good mood from yesterday, I'm SO EXCITED for post A's plans, really cannot wait for it!
Auditions today but I guess it wasn't so bad, hope it turns out well. Heh.

And work on Sat wasn't bad either. Calista was way nicer than I had thought her to be, although I can't deny missing Chris. Still, remaining positive things will just get better. It's a short week this week so hang in there everyone! :)
Going genting on Thurs and I get to skip half of lessons? Double double periods bye yay no gp + econs :D

Okay April's really an awesome month!! :D

One wish.

2011-04-13T23:18:00.002+08:00

Turning 18 in barely an hour's time. And a few days before every birthday, I'll be drooling over what presents I want and what my bday wish for that year would be. And in this year, 2011, after thinking it for so long, I decided that at the end of the day, there's only one thing that I really want.

I know I may not be the most perfect friend around, in fact I'm way far from it. I find so many faults with myself all the time and sometimes I have no idea what's wrong with me too. I may not seem like the most helpful, sincere, caring or understanding person around, I may not be able to express my thoughts well, which includes my grattitude, I flare up easily (I have a really bad temper I need to learn to control) but guess what? The one true thing I can say for sure is perhaps that I feel genuinely happy when I'm in contact with my friends. No matter how simple it is, just an msn conversation, a brief meetup or a simple meal, you have no idea what amazing wonders it can really do to my mood..so for that, I feel so thankful everyday because I know that somewhere there's someone who really cares and maybe I'm here for a good reason at least. So this year, all I really want is to be a better friend, keep those I have with me, treasure those around me more, and treat them back to the best of my ability the same way I've been treated..

Okay maybe I'm greedy after all. I just want everything to be like it was before :( you know, this is really the last thing I wanna see happening during this time:( you may not see it, but I feel so shit depressed just seeing all that. Yeah, shadnt eleborate much here. It's meant to be a happy post. Or at least one that's slightly more positive.

Lost in Transition

2011-04-10T22:17:00.002+08:00

So many things changed. Maybe I live too much in the past but when I look back at past memories I really can't bear to let some go and wish I can just freeze those moments and return back anytime I want :(

horrible horrible horrible week but I have a very bad feeling it can only get worse from here.

But me and love have been trying our best to encourage each other! ♥ We're gonna study really hard and do well for A's! And the only motivation I have to keep me going is really all the post A's plans!! excitteddd. Okay imma gna try to stay as positive as I can despite this bad week. And yay we had dinner last night even though the restaurant was already closing...? Haha even a second is better than nothing okay im going to tell myself to keep being happy and ignore all the bad shit that's going on and just keep pressing on.

And, a big fat thanks to everyone who has been there for me from the very bottom of my heart...I may not be good at expressing myself but I can say I'm truly sincerely grateful to have such ppl in my life that keeps the tough going more bearable..thank you really.

Time flies; it really does.

2011-03-27T00:45:00.002+08:00

Trying my best to remain positive in light of everything. Reminding myself to treasure the little important things and memories in life, to ignore those that don't matter; but I'm only human, and things are so much easier said than done. "Holidays" ending tmrw, it's back to the start of hectic lessons and even though I'm not really looking forward to it, I'm determined to try my best, and that means not giving it up halfway and just fighting till I reach the very end. It won't be long I guess, considering how quickly time flies...and how everything changes in such a short span of time. The environment, the atmosphere, people, feelings, everything changes. Maybe that's why as the saying goes, change is the only constant.

I guess the only thing I can do to help myself is accept reality, and not slink back into living in my past memories, although it would have been nice. I'm dead tired, more so emotionally than physically, despite not having a good night's sleep for 2-3days? Maybe it's good this way though, if my mind wanders less and I just focus on what's important till it's all over. Sometimes I really wish I can just not care about all the superficial things on earth....but then again, it's probably the best escape one has to the bigger problems that really bothers, so, it's a superficial world out there. And one way or another, I'm sure we've all experience it in some way or another.

I don't know how to end this post, or actually even start it, though I've reached all the way here. I guess this is just what life is like, before you know it, you'll reach the end without even fully understanding the process. henceforth the importance of treasuring every moment and not letting the precious ones get out of your grasp.....k I'm blabbing nonsense already, should be sleeping early soon or finding something to cure my depression. Anything except alcohol. I swear I'm so off drinking ever since the horrid night on thurs.

Barrage

2011-03-20T23:14:00.002+08:00

Finally some pics up, from Marina on Friday. ^^

It was a simple affair because most of us had to study for MBTs and all. Everything was pretty fun, thanks to Angeline who did all the planning ^^ And hope you had fun with the advance bday celebration girl :D

PRETTY BDAY GIRL :D

GRILS♥♥

I HAVE to post this up. (Sorry Colin) It's the LOL picture and Step says she will print this out in giant A3 size to cheer her up from the stress in J2. xD

(Y)

My ladybird flew!!!!!! Okay actually I brought the kite but I never flew it at all, or rather, I tried but failed. So in the end I just sit and take pics of it XP

Sun setting soon..

Group photo :))))

Step says background looks like haunted place so we did scary face :)

Last photo of today! It's with step :)

That's probably the best day of my whole March hols? Maybe partly cos met up with dear spazz about suju for a while hahas.Yeah, it's hell pathetic I know, and I've done nothing but (fail) studying. Super fail actually. When I was supposed to have completed maths and everything according to my super unrealistic revision plan. I can already expect to see myself failing nearly every subject and being put into all the srps. and term 2 will start soon, another horrid 10 weeks with even crazier timetables and ccas schedules. fmlx1000

And ss3my had to be the most depressing shit of all, need to start watching fancams and focus really. :(

I ~~have~~ WILL complete bio and econs tonight before I sleep.

#prayforjapan

2011-03-14T21:53:00.004+08:00

I'm spamming twitter with too much nonsense, really. So I thought I should just do a proper rant. But it's not going to be very long either.
Gp down, 4 more core subs to go + CO camp and then...end of holidays! How nice right -.-

Resisting the partying urge this holidays, I'm contemplating at least heading Zirca once though. Like if the world is really going to end with all the crap, what's the point of mugging so hard and not enjoying at all right? I admit, I'm usually apathetic and I can't be bothered by whatever happens outside my borders, it sounds mean, but don't ask me what happened in Shichuan or Haiti earthquakes and you have an approximate idea of how clueless I am to world affairs. Typical GenMe because. I.really.can't.be.bothered.less. No wonder I'm destined to fail my GP already....but somehow, the earthquake in Japan feels more heartbreaking and so much more real :( I actually felt sad for victims and those who lost their families, and even those who lives have been affected..my condolences to all. Maybe because of Twitter, all the tweets and everything that really painted the whole devastating situation in Japan right now. Whatever it is, I'm praying for everyone to be safe and alright. *hugs*

Contended.....(almost)

2011-03-13T01:41:00.002+08:00

This is going to sound stupid but......

I'm happy and smiling, for a while at least, because my tummy's full. Was fking hungry for the entire duration during work I nearly thought I would just die. Anyway, this is probably the best bowl of noodles I had in my entire life because I cooked it myself. I figured how to switch on the stove, I cracked my own egg, I did everything myself and I'm so proud! It definitely didn't taste as good as it should be but...heck, it's my best first attempt ever!

Okay that was just a stupid paragraph. time to lament about MBTs now. No, i'm not prepared. I even lost the mood to study after one whole day of play today...and I realised tmr's sun already, and then it's GP! Shit time flies right. Before I know it, it'll already be A's and then the end of it and then results will be out and I kinda dread for this day to come. NUS openhouse today but it was disappointing because the talks were boring and everything was well, boring. Then went to town for IWD, the goodie bag wasn't exactly worth my 30 mins though-.- And it definitely wasnt worth $300 as claimed, but yada I'd known right. But there's free mani + IPL so I shouldnt be complaining and even 20% off for Tonkichi! Good reason to splurge when I'm richer.

I realised I've been heading to the same place every weekend though. Town last weekend (both days) and this weekend it's like a repeat of last week totally.

Ohhh and I collected wookie's KRY bromide today but this is all about the rants on suju I have. I only know TW fans are so lucky at ss3, they got to see perfection live and leeteuk sang kiss goodbye so beautifully!!!! I could have cried and died. Now I want to go to KL. More badly than ever.... :(

That sums up my pathetic update. There are so many pictures but these days I get so lazy to even dig my camera out or load in the pictures or dig them out to edit but school really kills my mood and tires me out so much I'm losing the interest to even do lots of things. Even dressing up to get to town or sth. These days I just throw on a simple top and jeans, yes jeans, and slippers and I'm off. It's so not me when I'll make sure I'm never in jeans or dressed casually, esp to town. I'll usually spend hours digging that perfect dress and all but I have nearly no clothes to wear now, esp when I've grown fat and nothing seems to fit or flatter me anymore. All the thighs and tummy and whatnot. Sigh I need to stop eating like a pig and lose those excess kilos.....i'm fat, period. I know I LOOK skinny but I'm really not! And I'm getting so depressed over how fat I've grown :(

Bubble

2011-03-06T00:33:00.002+08:00

So long since I actually updated! But it's hard when everyday's a busy day, tied down with school/hwk/cca/work and everything, I'm so glad this weekend's a breather for me even though I've overspent VERY BADLY. Everything on SJM's new album, tons of suju stuff I'm grabbing posters folders stickers and everything else you can imagine. My obsession seems to grow worse everyday only.....and to think I thought it'll all end after ss3. :/

But it's not such a bad thing either! it's pathetic but just watching them on screen for a few hours a day does wonders to my mood. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in this pathetic bubble for so long. Anyway, I'm excited to meet my dear for a movie tmrw!! It really feels like ages since I last saw her.....and pictures I guess!! I didn't take any today; it was just a simple dinner at Applebees and shopping (mostly kpop stuff) and that's about it. Spehora closed just when we arrived, so we were just unlucky. Besides, I look way too horrible in half a stupor and I swear everytime when this happens I'll cut down on my drinking/I'll cease doing so but week after week I only see myself drowning in more and stronger alcohol :/

On a side note, I feel happy for seniors that did well for their A's! I regretted not retaking my chinese though, I kept thinking if I did, I could have saved a lot on my lunches and probably earn at least a C or so. Then again, it's no point bringing what's past so forget it. Just cross my fingers for pw although I'm not exactly hopeful, and start mugging hard for my H2s I guess. To those that didn't score as well as expected....well, I guess I can't offer any good advice but don't be disheartened alright! It's not really the end of the world :)

Kkkaes off to start on homework, I need to be disciplined. like really.

:(

2011-02-21T23:45:00.002+08:00

If I say anything more than the fact that I got kinda upset upon learning that, I'll be making it way too obvious. In the first place, it strikes me as a surprise I'm feeling this way......maybe I'm just not aware enough of my feelings, or I chose to ignore them. But whatever it is, somehow I miss the little bit of magic there was in everything. That's all I can ever say and type here.

If I could I'll be updating a whole post bitching about school but I just don't see myself with time. It's just now that I'm feeling incredibly sad and there's no one else I can turn to. I'll sleep with a heavy heart tonight. Oh well.....

Long Overdue

2011-02-15T23:03:00.001+08:00

I had a good mind to really upload pictures, update about everything but seems that school's keeping me super lazy and the other main reason is of course I'm lazy and I rather much watch suju every other minute I have online xD

It's been kinda long since ss3 but I guess I can't forget anything...not at all. i want to go for kl ss3 too but no one seems to be happy about it and everyone says I should focus on my piling school work. Btw I'm really dead and it's true because I know no nuts about half the topics we are learning in school and I really really really think I'm going to do super badly in all the upcoming tests. Sighhhhhh.

Anyway it's a brief update which I decided I MUST stop procrastinating and get down to posting if I actually want to keep this blog alive haha! Okay, perhaps this should apply to my school work first..

This was my CNY spent mostly in Batam. There's nothing much there save for cheap food and actually that's all. There weren't even any decent malls to walk around, most just sell your fake lv gucci or prada. :/ Cheap manis and pedis too, but I was too lazy to get my nails done also :/ In fact, i septn 99% of my time on my laptop watching all my suju vids! Hahaha.

At habourfront ferry terminal, leaving for batam.

Oh this is my super cute cousin haha! And his lovely bear!

Oh this was shiok ttm. Simply the most juicy and best crabs I ever had. esp the one in some chilli sauce, it was so good I practically wolfed the whole plate on my own. sigh, all the pounds....

Family photo :D

pretty much sums up my CNY. On sat I went to eleanor's house to mostly gamble, and sun was just visiting some other relatives house and rushing hwk.

And ytd was Vday! Happy belated Vday to everyone! :) I spent it with dear and some other members from other cgs!

The spread at liang ting's house. Her mum was really nice to prepare everything for us! :)

Cherieeeeeee! :D:D

And we celebrated Alvina's bday! it's actually her bday today. okay happy bday girl :D

Then we played monopoly deal and I won Fu Yu and won a treat at Udders, which we went to for supper later. Haha :D

This is me and dear's vday (almost) candlelight ice cream last night!!! Okay i love you to bits alright! It's so nice seeing you after so long!! And our 4th anniversary is coming up soon! Just this sun, and I'm so happy.

That's about all...I guess...for now. Gotta do all the wack up tutorials :/

Finally...updating about the most awesome night of my life ♥

2011-02-02T22:24:00.006+08:00

SUPER SHOW 3!!!!!!!!!!

I finally uploaded all the pics up :) Looking back, I regretted not bringing my slr along to take better photos actually...because when I see the photos other taken that are so much better than me I get kinda jealous :( Like they could have been mine. But still, I'm happy enough to get to record almost the whole show already!

I'm going crazy for the past few days though. Before I saw them it wasn't so bad when I missed leeteuk. But after seeing him and all, it's really hard to not long to see them again. Idk, I feel so terrible these days I just need to keep watching all the videos again and again to tell myself I'm okay. And worst, earlier I saw leeteuk's twitter that he hurt his fingers and I feel so sad :( i really hope he gets well like soon!! Poor boy of mine :(

Anyway, the hype around in Singapore, esp on elf forums and all was insane, when news broke out that they'll be here on a thurs flight and all and I practically cabbed everyday down to the airport from imcb. Sadly, fri morning on leeteuk's twitter proved that I had wasted all my $$ in vain on thurs, to attempt to stalk them and all and I was so glad I gave up stalking on Fri after no one arrived on any afternoon flights. I may have missed them at the airport but I was so lucky I was not involved in the accident if not I would have felt really horrid for hurting heeteuk. When I saw their twitter I felt so shameful and sorry to even be thinking of stalking them, and I swear I'll never try stalking anyone else again.Thankfully they were okay, i had spent my 2 hours after hearing about their accident crying, and no words can expressed how relieved I felt when I read tweets saying it was only a dent in the van and they had safely checked into Swisshotel. so, that was my Friday and I spent the rest of my time preparing myself for a long day on sat.

On Sat itself I broke a new record haha. I woke up EARLY. like really early, just so I could catch the first train. But there was already so many people queueing and I was so afraid I wouldnt be able to get into the priority queue. I was lucky to meet a fellow Indonesian ELF going alone so we queued together the whole time! It was just pure waiting though. I brought my chem notes to study but I found that I totally couldnt concentrate, esp when the concert was the only thing I had in mind. The queue was terrifyingly exhausting, and it nearly drove me insane. Especially when I learnt that we weren't allowed to go anywhere even after being tagged. And the toilet breaks were restricted to 15 mins only or they'll make you requeue, it felt entirely like being in some prison lock up. Most just sat around, and I saw people playing Monopoly deal or just using their phones and the wait could have killed me really. i was lucky enough to have the chance to go out twice and even get the fan support banners, cards and lightsticks. :)

And at this point I must really introduce you to Beatrice, someone I met on the stalking van on thurs!! I felt so lucky to have met her though we didn't take any photos together. She's probably the nicest person I ever met, and I was so lucky to have known her. I got most of my updates about the boys first hand from her, and she even gave up her leeteuk card to me which made me felt super bad to this very day :( Because I didnt managed to help her get anything for her. anyway, thanks so much girl, I'm really grateful from the very bottom on my heart :0

And finally, after 12 hours+ of queueing, we were finally allowed to enter the indoor stadium!! And I almost got so terrified of the bag checks because of my camera...but in the end, I learnt that the whole process was just so lame -.- And I was lucky Patrick loan his camera to me, it took really good photos for its size and all, plus I had decent videos as memories from the awesome night. I only managed to upload one, but it's the best among all (in my opinion) and besides, it's my favourite song! HAHA. enjoy it!!

I bet everyone there already watched most of the concert from youtube and all, so most of it was nothing new to me, and initially, I sort of couldn't believe I was finally watching it live and all. I was just so happy that leeteuk saw me!! I was holding his homemade banner really high and he was walking away but from the corner of his eyes he saw it and he smiled, then he turned back and started walking towards my direction! I was so happy!!! I swore he made eye contact with me and smiled at me because I was the only one holding his banner (which btw, is NOT allowed in the mosh at all). And he started to like look for sth to gave me and he was like trying to tell me to catch his towel. Sadly, he missed and some girl snatched it from me but I felt contented enough that he saw me! It was the best moment in the entire concert.

The concert went really smoothly, and it was really a breathtaking performance, the boys must have worked really hard for it, and I feel really proud of them :) They just looked really tired and when I saw all the sweat from their foreheads I was so sad and I wished I could be there to wipe the sweat off their heads. In any case, leeteuk was so much nicer and he probably is the nicest idol I've seen around in ages, where he just went around being so sincere to everyone and all. Super Junior probably provided the best fan service among most other concerts, because they went around touching the hands of those seated, yes mosh pits cannot though I bet they would if they could wtf, and nearly all my friends told me they managed to touched everyone. all the members. i heard of lots of stories that really made me envious, like kyu/dh selcam with fans' cameras, or even take photos with them, ryeowook taking someone's banner and holding it up for the person to take a photo, kissing someone's rose and then throwing it back, and I even heard that ryeowook took a girl's towel and put it around his neck, then walked off, sang a bit, and came back to return to her. Omg, so sweet lar. I was kinda jealous but I was just contented enough for leeteuk to see me :)

Siwon. His abs was just so much hotter in real life. i didnt managed to snap a picture of it, but I had videos of him changing, like directly RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. His abs were seriously just killer!! I could have fainted there and then.

Ryeowook saying hi. I wished I recorded his voice down now, just that I didnt had enough juice to go around with it. His voice is just so mesmerizing. It totally knocks you off your feet.

Eunhyuk.

Donghae looked so cute here :)

Leeteuk oppa with siwon!!

Kyuwon. Cute moments, especially the priceless esp on kyu's face. :D

Kyu's loooking for his dearest beatrice!!! hehehhehe

Leeteuk oppa!!!♥♥♥♥
I swore half the concert I was just screaming his name..

see leeteuk's cute cure face!!!

Sungmin

Siwon is not all looks. he can sing. yes, he can. *swoons somemore*

I hated all these girls cos they were touching donghae to no end:(

henry playing the piano+singing

Henry dancing to baby! :D

All the cute Siwon/leeteuk moments.

Eunhyuk dancing.

I must emphasize on this. Ryeowook sings DAMN WELL. I noticed him first because of his impressive vocals. and then later of course, all the cuteness comes in. go see the picture that heechul tweeted with kyu, siwon, wookie and him inside haha ryeowook baby was the ultimate cutie!!

I enjoyed this part of the performance alot. Some parts were just so silent and touching :)

HEHE CUTENESS. \m/

I would love to eat this everyday of my life lol.

teukie's back view. still as hot. as ever.

Focus: heechul's mask. haha I thought it was damn cute!!

Finale. The boys saying bye :(

overall, I felt that heechul's poker face and henry's solo on baby stood out. It was probably the first time I've heard henry, other than in sjm's mvs. I didnt know much about him but he's really an impressive dancer :) And he played the piano so well :) And although I was never a big fan of heechul, the whole concert totally changed my impression of him. i think he's so cute and funny and really cool at the same time. He has moved up tremendous places in my ranking of the boys haha. Now, i regretted not taking heechul more often haha. And I loved bonamana a lot, it's really a dream come true to see them perform it live. super girl was good too, and even sorry sorry. I liked the part where leeteuk flew in No other, and ryeowook sang super well for his solo, and even siwon though I wished he could just tell his fans he wasn't kidding when he invited us to church with him. Hahas. :P

Summing up my thoughts, I can only say it was the best concert I've ever attended and although I had many regrets, I still brought home many beautiful memories. It makes me feel like flying over to kl more than ever, and I'm simply dying to see them again. Although I'm kinda doubtful there'll even be ss4 singapore. Thanks to all the nasty fans(NOT) who threw lightsticks, chilli peppers and all that crap on the poor boys. I felt so angry when I read about how that!!! Come on, fangirl, that's just so NOT cool. Same with the stalking incidents too. I just hope that suju will still continue to receive all the love and support after their fifth album, and even when heeteuk leaves for army :( GOSH typing anymore is going to make me so depressed like I'll really really die not seeing leeteuk already, I can no longer be contented looking at videos because I saw him before and I want to see him again. Crossing my fingers for ss4. Till then, xx.

SS3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-30T01:31:00.002+08:00

Finally the big day I've been waiting for!!!!!!!!!!!
Queued up for 12 hours or so, but it was entirely WORTH IT.

I saw leeteuk oppa so up close!!!! And Siwon's abs!!!!! And hearing ryeowook sing IRL can make you go crazy. I'm HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. Esp since the boards helped a lot and he SAW ME HE SMILED AT ME HE THREW HIS TOWEL AT ME. I am so contented!!!!!! I can seriously die with no regrets no!!!

Sorry for not updating for such a long time, I end up having lots of half completed posts only. IMCB, SS3 (I'll upload fancams, no worries!!), tmrw's bbq and all. Life's been busy...and good. I mean, how bad can it be WHEN MY DEAREST IS STILL RIGHT HERE IN SG. OMG LA HONESTLY. Too bad I'm not free tmrw, else I wld prolly get a seated ticket to touch all of them. Donghae, siwon, leeteuk, Kyu and just about everyone else. I know little about henry but I can say after today, I like him so much more. And heechul too!!!! And of course kyu, baby wookie and my dearest teukie!!! He make me love him more and more each dayy.

I'll update. Just wait for it :)
I'll have to owe Patrick another one. His camera is so zai and I managed to take lots of good photos (Siwon & leeteuk!!!!!!!!!!!!! *drools*). pity the netbook is lag and shit and cant stream my vids properly. bonamana live is like PRO PRO POR RIGHT TTM. Esp when leeteuk shows his toned body!!!! Can faint I swear!!!!!!! And once again, siwon's abs!!!!!!!! He was the one who teased the crowd the most, esp pen B on my side I guess. ARGHHHHH.

I hope the boys get a really really good rest. When I saw them sweating so profusely after the first few songs and how tired teukie kyu and wookie was, I felt so sorry for them. But boys, your hard work has paid off. Everyone's happy!!! Freshen yourself for tmrw!!! And stupid SM, please STOP slave-driving them. I'm so afraid they'll collaspe anytime :( Take care oppas!!!!

P.S Just realised I spent the entire post rambling about SS3, but don't blame me, it's as the title suggests anyway :)

IMCB

2011-01-27T23:42:00.003+08:00

Yeah, I know it has been pretty long since I updated but work, school and everything has been keeping me busy. Anyway I spent my past few days at IMCB for an attachment on the developmental biology of zebrafishes. It's a kinda painful experiment actually. We were just supposed to study the effect of different concentration of ethanol on the embryos....and it's kinda sad cos not only did I killed tons of them with my lousy poking, I also indirectly turned them into deformed mutants :( Poor little things.

And last minute I received a call saying heeteuk's coming today, so i rushed down to the airport, and we were all waiting in the van and everyone was super hyped up and we were screaming like crazy when the vans came out but thanks to all the false news on twitter, we couldnt decide which van to follow and all and fuck man, we followed the right one only to get news saying it was wrong so we turned back and ended up IT WAS THE RIGHT ONE. My bf was inside lehhh T_T

And now I'm contemplating if I should go over to see Ryeowook, Donghae and the rest tmrw. Perhaps no more stalking for now. I'll focus on getting the best seats in the concert. I'm gonna see teukie dearest up close soon ^^

UPDATE:

Oh this came really late but here are the pictures anyway:

This are the healthy fishes way before dechlorination.

These are fishes under 1% ethanol if I'm not wrong. It doesn't have eyes and the yolk sac is larger because it cannot really utilise all the nutrients in it..

And this are fishes under 2.5% ethanol...nearly dead...all the 3% ones died :(

Childish Jarren playing with the gloves -.-

Say hi to THE GLOVE.^^

Cindy :)

I'm saving the best for the last!!! This has got to be the funniest thing I've ever seen in the lab!!!

It's a really short experiment we did but I'm already feeling guilty enough about all the fishes and all.......like I'm performing senseless acts of killing, and it has made me think twice if it's something I'm going to want to do for the rest of my life. Well, overall I did learnt quite a bit and I'm pretty glad I went for it...
It's like the latest update I've ever did but...as the saying goes, better late than never :)

Not looking good

2011-01-15T00:54:00.003+08:00

I'm no survivor. I'm not coping well with school. At all. I don't care what others think, I just feel like I'm going to die in this fucking whole shit soon. And it's only the first week. It feels like a whole year of torture already though, I cannot imagine how many more months of suffering I have to endure. Arghhhh.

Since school started, I haven't seen any good days and neither do I expect to see any. 2011 is going to be shit, shit and more shit. I've been complaining non-stop everywhere but it's true.

It sucks to be poor really. After I get my pay. Before I get my pay. No difference actually. Thinking about it, I cannot even recall where all the odd hundreds I've earned went to. More than half of it went on my camera (very very pricey investment I just decided), a quarter on super junior and the rest to shopping actually. And food probably. My marche lunches are adding up like crazy. Did I happen to mention I skipped mass dance on the first day of school just to satisfy my Marche cravings? -.-

Where was I? Expensive camera. yes. hell costly to maintain. But I won't complain....except for the fact that it's straining my savings very very badly. I hardly get a chance to take it out these days though, apart from mini outings here and there. Still, I'm glad I decided to take it along for open house. Feels really good to just take it around and snap pictures, just that it was bulky without my bag and walking around with tee shirts to change every other minute and still having to move the cello up and down for performances. Overall, open house was pretty fun. I enjoyed myself at the mass dance a lot, even if I've skipped like half the practices(?).

Back to school. Late once already and Ms Lee has called my mum.......wts. Seriously, can you fucking believe I was late XXX times last year and I'm in the top 15 offenders or god knows what of the whole school -.- In fact they've probably underreported the number of times I'm late/skipped school but I bet a majority of it was cos of the pw periods......this is stupid. Totally. And other than the crappy introductory and recap lessons, lessons officially started only on Thursday. But the work has piled up like crazy. it's plain insane. And cca timings are ramping up like hell too.

I pray I'll get all the strength I need this year, from God, my friends, family and everyone.......because I think I need it badly to survive this shit hell of a year. 2011 stinks. I tell you it's only been two weeks but I've swore just about as much as I've did for the whole of 2010. Fml.

School's a bitch. It really is.

2011-01-09T19:29:00.002+08:00

You read my title. Yes school sucks. It starts tomorrow. I'm not prepared in the least, seeing the insane mountain load of shit I'm still stuck with...and I'm not making any progress :/

Going completely insane over leeteuk already, and the whole super junior. Donghae and ryeowook too :P And yes shinee hahahha I'm like watching every single video I can find on youtube about them.....it's two more weeks. Two more weeks to seeing my baby. Two more weeks to meet him in person. Two more weeks to just tell him how much I love him.

He's my new drug I swear, totally off topic to this post but I just have to rant. There are already many unfortunate victims via sms already though...but I thought I should stop flooding twitter with this. But I still have to tell you, Suju is the best darn kpop group ever, and shinee is second to all this hotness. ARGHHHHH 2 MORE WEEKS TO SEEING MY BABY. I CAN'T WAIT~

I'm going insane. Like, really.

RT @superflavours 'Are you alright?' is just a fucking stupid question to ask me now.

2011-01-08T06:15:00.003+08:00

Hellyeahfuck. One week of 2011 and I decided I have enough. Call me a loser, but I really want to quit already. I don't find myself ready for A's. Ready to even turn 18. Ready to fucking live 2011. Ready to get to school. The only happier note is that the teachers are all fine. Blogging's awesome when you're sober and just need a space to type and rant. I'm feeling more sober but still as sloshed. So....Twitter's awesome when you just have that few words on your mind and everyone exchanges retweets.

No one wants to even listen to me. I thought after 30 seconds or so, I'll be better off staying shut and just sulk away.......because it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. No it doesn't, because I just had enough. And enough IS enough.

If i have a chance to live all over again, I'll choose not to be born at all.

Ima poor bloke.

2011-01-04T21:46:00.002+08:00

Hitting town always makes me cry right after that because I'm really a bitch when it comes to controlling my money and I'm so upset with myself at what I've bought today.....at the same time, happy with my new calendar too ^^

First went over to get my UV filter, finally I won't have to worry about the front element getting smudges and what not when I bring it out. Sadly, it seems to be affecting my image quality...maybe just a teeny weeny bit but it sure beats having my lens scratched or what so I'll just sacrifice some IQ for a peace of mind haha:)

Shopping at NewLook (70% SALE FTW) and I couldn't resist it so I grabbed the heels I've been eyeing on for months & a bag for my camera....then over for lunch at Marche!!! :D

Chicken Pesto Gratin..really well done and worth my money!! Flavourful but in my opinion, the cream was a bit too thick for my liking but overall it's still good:) Super cheesy I like!!

Brownie for dessert (mine) and Eleanor's fruit cake...but by then we were really full and we were like struggling to finish up all the food.

Still, the lunch set promises you affordable lunches at decent quality in town......and for something under $10, it's really just so worth every cent. Too bad school starts soon and I haven't got much chances to utilise my town set lunches offers haha. Then again, it'll probably lead to more spending than savings..

More shopping over at F21 before we went over to Raffles City and that was when all the impulsive spending began -.-

You see, I just happened to step into Face Shop looking to buy nail polishes but suddenly, I realised they were giving out free Kim Hyun Joong calendars if you spend above $100 and even though I'm not really crazy over him as I was in the past...seeing all his photos suddenly made me decide God I must spend that $100 by hook or by crook...so basically me and eleanor just spammed tons of face masks and we left the shop with $100 worth of face masks (and nail polishes) AND my awesome calendar and mug...

I wanted to slap myself right after leaving the shop we were like GOD WHAT DID WE JUST DO WHY AM I THROWING MY DEBIT CARD AT EVERY SHOP I VISIT SHITZXZZXZXZ. I regretted it badly, only all the Kim Hyun Joong pics cheered me up a littl!!! HAIZ I seriously hate myself at the way I spend money, there's like totally no way to control what I want and there never seems to be enough to satisfy my wants :( Basic econs. Unlimited wants, but limited resources to fulfil them.....thus all the unhappiness everyday. Worse I just suddenly decided to (impusively again -.-) buy cosmetics so we headed over to Sasa and MAC and worked out with hundreds worth of falsies, eyeshadow, bb cream and all the shitz. ARGH hate myself x10000 when it comes to stepping into any malls. :(

Poor poor poor poor poor always poor. Once a beggar, forever one. :(
Hwk time now, I'll redeem myself tonight!!!

SS3!!!!!!

2011-01-02T18:11:00.001+08:00

I bet this is going to be the most impulsive buys of the whole century.

YES I AM GOING TO SEE SUJU LIVE COME 29JAN OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG IM REALLY HOPPING MAD AND GOING CRAZY I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY TO COME. AND I GOT THE MOSH PIT TICKETS SOME MORE AHHHHHH IMAGINE SEEING THEM RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES I CAN FAINT ALRIGHT.

I heard about the show like last year or so but never really thought of attending until like today? Yes it was a super impulsive decision but heck I'm not going to regret it. And to make up for it, I'll SAVE. Like really.

EXCITED!!!

Past 2010

2010-12-31T22:42:00.002+08:00

Actually, 2010 has been a pretty eventful year for me. I can't believe it's already coming so close to an end, time flies too quickly.

2010 was the year I received back my second major exam results, and disappointingly, I didn't do as well as I hoped, I had a really tough time deciding where to go with my points before settling on MJC. It wasn't that bad though, after orientation, I decided I had found somewhere I sort of belonged, even if it wasn't what I had wanted, and it was something totally new I had to adjust to.

10S111 after orientation

Then school started, life began to zoom by, it was just test after test more tutorials and then mid years and then promos and pw and all the shit, I can't believe I've endured so much crap for an entire year. I realised, personally, I did change the whole of 2010 though, I became a slightly more confident individual, I tried to be more apathetic, I'm not sure if I had succeed or failed in this aspect but I did know, in 2010, I found many new friends that I want to keep by my side even in 2011, even after 2011 passes and probably till the very end of my life.

2010 also saw me stepping into London for the first time in my entire life, I still miss cambridge and I think of it every now and then because the place is just too wonderful. I pretty much doubt my next visit though.......probably a million light years later..

2010 also saw me finally getting the love of my life I've saved up so badly for. :D

Well....this is how I can think of summing up my 2010 now.

As for 2011 that's approaching in an hour or so, I just want to make 5 small commitments to myself. Five small steps I'll stick to no matter what, just five little things I'll get to start the year right.

In 2011.............,

1)I'll learn to be a better person. I'll be a better friend. I'll try to compromise. I'll be a listening ear for you if you ever need one. I'll be there always to laugh and smile with you. And last but not least, I'll always tell you how much you mean to me as a friend.
2)I'll study. Like really focus and study. I got by this year because I was lucky. I saw how miserable I was when I failed to put in sufficient effort for my O's. And I swore to myself, I'll not let the same mistake repeat again. So in 2011 where I'll have to chance to decide and seal my whole fate, I promise not to let history repeat itself again. I'll be down to earth, I'll study hard, and stop thinking miracles will happen.
3)I'll start savings up. Yes, I will. Because I realised how it's important to save up for a rainy day, how money never comes easy at all, how much it actually means in my world today. I'll cut down on all the shopping, I'll lead a humbler life, I'll cut down on excessive spending on luxuries, and I'll try the minimalistic lifestyle =P
4)I'll be a better photographer. I hope that even with the busy days I forsee in 2011, I'll still get the chance to shoot often. I'll learn to better use my equipment, treat them properly, and take better shots with them. And be more open to favourable critism (not just in photography actually).
5)Something short and sweet. I'll just try to stick to my other 4 promises. ^^,

That saying.......have a happy 2011 people. Love from me
XOXO

MUST Complete List

2010-12-30T12:44:00.002+08:00

Oh I'm so dead so dead because it's only a week more or so when school reopens and my completed homework count is near zero, or zero, unless you count digging them out wiping the dust off them writing my name then leaving the whole thing blank as "attempted". I am such a failure I know, told myself I'll stay up and finish this and that but in the end, I just fell asleep :X

Staying home today to seriously mug hard because heading out always turn out to be some spending trip, and worse, NO work done. Okayyyyy I'm going off to do chem then hopefully get my econs in order and then start on maths later at night. Then tmrw I shall get my mum to help me print out the bio revision and chiong them like crazy this weekend. Guess I'll be quitting soon esp after NY this Sat (double pay) and maybe a couple more shifts before school start. I've sort of thought it all out, I'll be better off quitting the job for good and focus on my studies because A's is that important to me (even if I don't really show it).

Off to study, wish me lots of luck because for someone like me, I really need it.

Last week of 2010

2010-12-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

Potian Wanton Mee with dear on Sunday to remember those Robinsons lunch days. Ahh, how I missed them badly.

MJCO Sentosa Outing on Monday, it was pretty okay, although tiring. We walked around Sentosa to play some games, and I guess you can consider the bonding session quite successful since I catched up a lot, esp with Pamela & Charlene!!
Had lunch at some exorbitant overpriced cafe and I regretted not getting the chicken Aaron had. It was so much better than whatever shit I had....
The best part was just chatting at Vivo's rooftop!! Though we saw no sunset, it was good enough. The best company makes everything perfect :D

My lunch at Marche on Tuesday. :D
Earned my easy $50 in the morning and I was contemplating saving it/splurging on a good lunch since it was a long time I had one. Town has tons of great lunch offers on weekdays, it's so worth it for it's quality and all!!! I decided on Marche because it was the cheapest ($7.80+ with drink and main course). Yes damn nice can like the best potato salad ever YUMMMMMMEH.

Went to did my hair, then headed over to Parkway for pool where I completely embarrassed myself, Ivan(pro) taught me how to play but I suck even when the balls are placed like right in front of me? Must practice more lols!

Then we drove over to Katong for dinner and more karaoke at Teo Heng! Lots of fun! =)
I just posted a group photo because I'm lazy and the loading is taking long enough already sheeshhhh

P.S Sorry if my blog has made you very hungry!!

Money makes the world goes round

2010-12-28T00:03:00.003+08:00

I find myself so stupid. So insensitive. It's only today, that I realised how much shit we're all in. Now I see the big picture. Suddenly everything all this while just snaps into place. It just clicked scrolling sms after sms. At the same time, it was so depressing and I felt so close to the point of breaking down. Thousand of thoughts were racing through my mind, and more importantly, what am I to do now? Go on acting nonchalantly because life is so much better without any worries or show my support? It's so going to be a trying 2011 for me; I can see it now.

Fuck. All I really do, is really pray that eventually all the money ends up where it ought to be. And I learn. From the mistake of others, I wow never to fall into the same trap the previous generation did. So for a start, perhaps a minimalist lifestyle. Throw away all my (un)necessary clothes, bags and what not, get used to eating at coffee shops, give up my restaurants for good, and maybe even all my travelling plans. Worst, all the things I've planned to get when pay day approaches. Minimalist to the point I'll stick with my two decent lenses and get what I can out of it. I hope there's never this day I'll have to start moving. Cross my fingers.

You see, ironic as it may sound, money is so cheap. Hear it from someone who has seen how filthy, how disgusting it can be. Yes, I won't deny it buys happiness or joy for that moment, but not eternal peace and all you can keep. One day it'll just creep on you kill you from inside out, before you even realise the darkness at the corners of your eyes... I know I always speak of money. I won't deny it. I always want more, and more, and so does everyone. But today, I'm going to put my feet firmly on the ground and say 'no'. Money has been revolving around our lives since we were born, it's a fate no one escapes from. From the day you step in on Planet Earth, a plan has been drawn up for you already, study hard, secure a good future and lead a decent life. It is the basis in which life exists to ensure the next generation lives on. In relative terms, we're just living our life all on money...and life existed just as well in the animal kingdom without it. Do we really need it all to survive? In the journey of just solely going out for money, along the way, could we find something so much more valuable than that? True, eternal happiness, for a start.

'Tis the season to be giving

2010-12-25T03:21:00.003+08:00

MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!!!!
Someone feel my joy this season, much of it probably came from the feel good feeling from all the giving. Wrapping, tearing, enjoying, it's all part of the X'mas process. This is probably one of the best Christmas ever, and I'm so excited for service in church tomorrow. Although I haven't been splurging on my usual "Christmas Dresses", I have enough new ones for it haha! I'm having trouble selecting the perfect one still though....

Gift exchange at work today surprisingly turned out quite okay! Though I'm still not particularly fond of everything, at least it was alright. Off to write the remaining cards then I'll head to rest! Enjoy the next 21 hours of X'mas peeps! Merry X'mas once again! :D

Love,
April <3

Lotas Pictures

2010-12-22T11:46:00.013+08:00

Finally found time to squeeze in an update, work sucks me dry especially on weekends when it's like supposed to be a good rest for me? In any case, last week has been eventful and good, had an awesome weekday + weekend :D

~~Finished~~Started on our econs proj last weds we had pizza for lunch, but we decided to give the xmas pizza a miss cuz it was seriously hell expensive. Instead we just got the ordinary ones, but we still had a good time. I'm off Viva crusts for now though, they kinda suck & the original pan crust is still the best :)

Then the next day we headed out to the zoo, I've packed everything and we were so excited and all that we just decided to cab down from woodlands when we learnt that 638 or sth wasn't in service except during the weekends. I swear we almost got in until bitch Janelle or whatever came over and being so anal, denied us entry. So we kinda fought and argued all the way to the manager, but it wasn't only futile but I guess I kinda got my aunt into trouble as well oh whatever Karma will stick around. ^!(@*!&^!

Disappointed & super pissed, we left the zoo and somehow I vow never to visit again or maybe I will this time to screw that bitch up till her ass flies off to Mars (which isn't a very good idea either way, she'll scare the Martians off and NASA will have all their efforts on trying to find life on Mars wasted) So we decided to just head over to amk hub for lunch then we took a bus down to Botanic Gardens since I didn't want to waste the 55-250 I finally brought out... thankfully I was rewarded with some decent pics, although I made lots of mistakes and I've learnt that it's not a good idea to squeeze good pictures into outings because nothing will turn out good. So, if time permits, hopefully I can make another trip back, this time alone or maybe I'll find someone willing to stick around ^^

I do like this picture but sadly, it's off focus and not sharp because it's those snap and go pictures and I didn't really had time. Oh well :(

And another thing, the sensor is dusty so I ended up having to crop a lot of pictures out. I'll probably send it over to Canon when I find money, because it still works as long as I on & off tons of time to let the in camera cleaning clean it. Not the best solution but......better than nothing.

Actually this is one of my favourite pictures.

This was taken at the zoo, ironically.

Nat!!! (and me)

Eleanor the lousy tour guide that frequently asks bev where the hell we are and I chose this picture because I like Kang Leng's expression xD

Then my mum called and offered to get us into the Orchid garden for free, so we met her there.

My mum took this for us.

I have no idea why half the world says we look alike because I simply beg to differ.

I look weird here. So weird.

I was blocked :(

The rest bought ice cream but I'm trying very hard to save $$$ so I gave it a miss.

Hui Chuen was trying some throw leaves get model effect kind, but epic fail :X

And I spotted a squirrel! Used my 55-250 to capture it, although it looks kinda dark....

Oh and on Sat after work we went over to Teo Heng! The place there is really cheap and good, food around Katong area is too so if you're on a budget, this is the best place. We ended up paying like $7/pax for 3 hrs of singing!

Check out Brian's new hairstyle! He looked so much better, and everyone agreed too ^^.

Selecting the songs! The whole thing is touch screen, so cool ^^

Then we decided to dig out some Monopoly deal cards to camwhore...

Patrick selecting his cards....

Taaadaa!!!!

It's my birthday so money please :D:D

But Brian says no........ :(

Cute debt collector hehe

Monopoly gang :P

And Sun was baking day! So we went over to June's house and decided to get our hands dirty! I must admit it was kinda fun, and I feel so proud I managed to get something decent (at least edible) out. Usually when I attempt at home, it's only a waste of money...thanks to baking gurus Jastine & June for all their guidance hehhee.

First we sift the flour...

Add some brown sugar in...

Then you get this.

Beat the eggs in, add the almonds, chocolate chips and beat away!

I did this!!!!!!!!! Hahahas

In the process of baking...

And viola!!! Too bad we forgot to grease the thing, so the cookies were all stuck to the paper -.-
Good enough for a first try though.

Early group photo because I had to leave for work :(

They baked this monstrous thing after I left rofl!

So in short, a good week and I never felt so happy before, just that work is a little nasty and sadly, no xmas double pay.
Heading town tmrw for really really last minute shopping, sighhhh sucks to be broke especially during the festive period I swear. Looking forward to pay day then our JB trip!! I need to shop and find something else other than Cotton On merchandise, I seriously swear I'm getting nightmares already.......

Off to do attempt my work. I spent my studying session today shopping instead.=/

Just ain't for you to judge

2010-12-15T00:05:00.007+08:00

I hate it. I really detest it. People who judge and jump to conclusions without knowing the whole story. Like the Cotton On Stomp incident. It gets on my bloody nerves because whoever who stomp-ed that has obviously not worked in the retail sector before. He/she doesn't bother putting him/herself in one's shoes, and wonder who created all the mess, nor observed the store the whole day to decide if the workers are really there to slack and do nothing. I mean, as a team, we've all been folding enless stacks of clothes. I swear each top has been folded has least 50 times a day ever since the store opens. Most of us working are students. We try our best to balance work & school. Some need the job badly. It's plain unfair when you jump right straight to conclusions that we're not doing our job. Senseless comments like this really irritate me.

And till now, I never understood why anyone really bothered with Stomp. Other than rearing the very ugly side of Singaporeans, what good has it done? Take a look through the most reviewed/most commented news items. Are they really newsworthy political international events? It's a big N-O. NO. Half the comments are racist/sexual just plain sour grapes and all. I'll just take the most common stomp-ed news about not giving up mrt seats to show my point. You snap a picture of a teenager sitting down at some reserved seat with some elderly/pregnant lady standing within 10m away. Were you on the train for the whole trip when the old lady/teenager boarded the train? What makes you think it couldn't be that the elderly had given up the seat because she was alighting soon? So instantly, the girl turns infamous. In the first place, are you upholding moral & social justice snapping around and uploading pictures on the Internet? Shouldn't there be a news article dedicated to your behaviour as well? Are you the social police hired by the govt? Or simply someone with nothing better to do? How different are we from countries with the law going around to catch people having premarital sex and all? We shake our heads at nations at such, whine about the loss of personal freedom and privacy, but have we actually thought about it that, our own citizens' behaviour mirrors that of these nations? Yes tell me, so much so for a united nation when it appears that everyone just wants to go around embarrassing your fellow neighbour. Would you like it if someone posts a picture of you digging your nose in public? Wearing something that doesn't matches your outfit? Who are you to judge honestly?

It's way about time they wake up, and if there's really nothing to report, then don't. It beats having the headlines screaming "GIRL REFUSES TO GIVE UP SEAT" and then some poorly taken shot right there. Is this really what you want to be reading every morning while having your breakfast? Does this really entertains you and keeps you informed? Is it SO necessary to be poking in everyone's life? Anyone, just enlighten me please.

Just some minor updates....
life has been good, filled with work but I'm trying my best to balance things out. I need to get started on my homework though. Looking forward to the rest of this week, especially the weekends. It's going to be fun, someone promise me. I need a break from all the shit in this world and just relish in the company of loved ones. Nights all, I need to study + wake up early to send A off.

Happy little me

2010-12-12T03:48:00.003+08:00

It's so rare you see me so happy. Then again, it has been a pretty good Sat for me.

Got my 55-250mm f4-5.6 IS for like only $200 & it still comes with a polariser. Like how lucky can I get to meet such a nice seller. Okay, I haven't really got down to playing with my lens but then I'm already dead tired from all the shit work has been giving me. I kinda regretted not heading over to suntec to work today though. I can get the pay faster, and less shit probably. I miscalculated, thinking CN wld earn me more but damn I was so wrong :(

Seriously sometimes I want to scream at customers and just tell them to fuck off because I cannot stand it when whatever I fold gets messed up IMMEDIATELY. Hell annoying especially when they are so inconsiderate and insist and making a whole ruckus out of the table. And there was this fucking old bitch I swear I shouted at her three times at least MISS CAN I HELP YOU WHAT SIZE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR but NO SHE'S FUCKING DEAF AND SHE INSISTS ON MAKING A MESS OF THE WHOLE PILE OF CLOTHES *screams* Worse, she made me look like some fool talking to no one. Zzzzz

Anw closing shift sucks because I have to stay till super late to fold all the damn clothes and I missed my last train, 15 was long gone but thank god for 21 really. Boss was nice to buy us bubble tea though. Hmmmm, can't say I'm exactly happy at CN Tamp but just, somehow adjusting to the whole environment already. Wished Brian didn't quit though. It would be nice having a friend around at least. Just a random side note, I found his name tag in the store today and I want to steal the red lanyard because it looks so much more cool than the plain black one I have.

Kkk I better go now because I'm using the computer secretly and my detective brother has found out and he is so difficult to handle. Fucking little douch really.

Well, half the post doesn't makes it look like I'm happy but truly I am. God, pictures paint tales and smiles are deceiving and suddenly even words do not show you the real picture.

2010-12-09T11:49:00.005+08:00

When I look through fb, I get a little jealous. Everyone seems to be having so much fun heading overseas, to hk, to Japan, to uk....except me.
Then again, I guess I'll have to be contented since I took an early trip to Cambridge already ^^

Past few days has been nothing but work, Idk why I can get so tired I really sleep for 12 or 15 hours solid on most days. Paycheck better roll in, I need to save my poor account & also get myself my 50mm f1.4 USM and possible 580exII. That'll easily set me back by a thousand at least? But this time round, I'm careful to plan my work such that it doesn't gets in the way of my social life. Not like in the past, where I'll just work 16 hours straight to bring home as much as I can. Besides, meeting nice people at work always brightens my day up and makes the whole job a whole lot more fun! :D

So I caught Rapunzel on Tues, yesterday night was a gathering at Huishan's house and it was fun! I've always enjoyed my time in the company of awesome people :) I'll probably upload all the picture spams another day though. And have I mentioned how cute the neighbourhood cats can be? Can't wait to get my 50mm f1.4 USM then I guess the pictures will turn out super nice with a really good bokeh background.

Some preliminary shots: (pardon if they're not well taken, or if there are shadows/bad lighting, there's still a lot I need to learn.)

I usually prefer the black & white spotted cat, but yesterday the ginger one was so game when I pointed my camera at it, I couldn't say no. It'll actually look up and give me those friendly, warm eyes. Awwwwwwwwwwww. Reminds me of Puss in Boots in Shrek 2 haha.

There is never a post I cannot lament about the amount of homework that I've yet t complete. Other than writing my name on the tutorials, there is really nothing else on it. oh sighs I must seriously pick up the resolve to do lots of things, like packing my room & starting on my hwk & revising & exercising because I need to lose hell lot of weight zzzzzz. No, I'm really really really NOT anorexic.

Till then, I should start running of to get some of these things done.

CS :>

2010-12-02T22:06:00.004+08:00

Technically I paid $400 for my 450D kit so I shouldn't be mad when I see 600ish offers although I did got ripped off. But there won't be a second time (hopefully).

Eyeing and thinking so badly of my 50mm f1.4 USM, I do want it perhaps as my 18th bday gift next year, and probably a 580EX II if I can afford one. Of course, first thing first would be time to get myself a proper dry cabinet because I'm not going to risk fungus growth on my little baby especially in this horrible humidity right here in SG. And I'm probably dreaming about my 24-105mm f4 L IS USM which I most likely will not be able to afford in my entire lifetime, save for a miracle. I should probably stick to budget equipment hahaha.

I feel like I really need to give up on shopping another entire wardrobe this Christmas/upcoming CNY, and for the next 500 years as well. Then I can devote every cent I have to my newfound and growing hobby. ♥

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Cca tmrw. *moans*
But I think I found my happy pill for tonight, spending just hours on clubsnap and sifting through threads by like-minded people around this tiny island me just brings a smile to my face. That's home for me. So hopefully work is going to be a good day. My body is burning and aching and crying badly for rest.

Till another day. Hopefully I can put the tripod out to good use before I return it over to Patrick probably this weekend, prayg hard the weather will stop being such a bitch soon.
xx

Cry me a river

2010-12-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

I must have looked like a mad woman over at Vivo. Just sobbing uncontrollably and all the horrid make up running down my face. And don't asked me why. The tears just came, and neither could I do anything to stop it.

I mean I don't always want to be blaming everything else but wtf. I can't help feeling that with each day, the opportunity costs for committing to the cca is just stacking up higher and higher every damn day. So it's $24 this week, and a wasted trip down to Vivo for fuck.

Everytime there's cca nothing good happens. And I mean NOTHING. It's just a whole string of unfortunate events.

Don't ask me how I'm going to drag myself out of bed at 5am, rush my make up in 10 mins or carry anymore fucking dishes. I'm going to collapse soon. FML. Something good better come along soon....

Rat race (literally)

2010-11-23T22:33:00.002+08:00

So this was my weekend.
Saturday was just work and catching up on my sleep after Friday.
I do like Cotton On @ WS now, but they're shifting me to tamp. pppffftt. Just after I found friendships D:

Well, hopefully tamp's gonna be good!

Met the guys & June @ J8 for lunch at pastamania!

We then went over to Settler's Cafe for games!

Played Squeeky for a start, a really classic and almost brainless game haha.
Love the cute rats! (L)

Everything cheese.

Measly points.

Brian's tower of rats. Would you want to live in it?

We then played Taboo, followed by Monopoly Deal. First time playing it and I must say, it's really fun. :D

We then played Bang. It was a pretty complicated game, with so many rules and all we had to keep calling the staff there to explain each card to us. =/

And did I forget to add that the whole place looks perfect for a studio shot? Haha, you just need pretty lens & a tripod and it's all prefect. $8.90 and it comes with free flow drinks! You have till 6pm hahaha

Later, I went over to Vivo for BFF Zone Picnic Under the Stars!

The xmas lightings there are so pretttyyyyy. :D:D
I tried taking it last Friday with my digicam too, but obviously it turns out fugly.

dear, me & xinyi! :)

Me & peck

DL 31 :)

That pretty much sums everything up. Well, if every weekend was just this great.....life would be perfect. It really would. In fact, it should be every single day of my life.

School tmrw but thankfully, NO CCA!!!!!!!!!! WOHOOO if I hear that I'll be more high than I can ever be with booze and drugs. :):):)

Purpose driven life

2010-11-23T01:03:00.002+08:00

I need to know why I'm blogging. Why I'm doing what I'm doing. What am I exactly? What am I running away from? There's a peace I can never find now. It feels like everyday I'm just running away from one part of my life, I'm hiding something I never want to see again, I'm doing what I do to cover up for all this....the point is I have no idea what. I'm still trying to figure it out. and it'as driving me totally nuts. Either I sleep, which I really can't, or I just find something to do to occupy my thoughts. And, that is precisely the reason I'm online.

I meant to upload the pictures taken during the weekend but I'm in no mood to do so already. Despite everything, I had a really good weekend. Enjoyed work on Sat throughly, I'm glad the people there are nice not like what I had thought but unfortunately, I'm going to be shifted to tamp outlet soon....oh well.

Sun Lunch @ J8 with June & the guys, I'll upload the photos another day really. >.<
Settler's Cafe & then vivo with the zone.

Feels like everyone's already drawing their reflections for 2010 and if you think about it, time has flew by really really fast. It's true. So many things have happened in the course of this year but my thoughts are too jumbled so I'll sort them out another day. Idk what to make of my life anymore. I'm happy for what I have around me, but I just feel something lacking so inadequately. I can only find temporary relief, but there's nothing that really keeps me happy permanently. Or if I put it in another way, I already have a good idea what IT is but I'm just running away from it.

Did I blog to tell myself it's time to wake up? Is it time to take action? Perhaps not. I'll probably still go back to working my bones out to tire myself, shop and satisfy my little whims and wants, plan more outings, study like a real muggeridian and perhaps, party my life away again. After all, it's the holidays. And that's what everyone always do right?

Sentosa's secret spot

2010-11-21T04:22:00.007+08:00

Over to Azzura on Friday night. It was hell insane partying the whole night. The DJ sucked a lot halfway so we left early, like around 4am? Haha, went over to lepak before leaving for good.

Happy Birthday John! :D

Went over to Palawan beach, and it's really pretty at night! Too bad I didn't bring my dslr along, the stupid digicam always fails to capture pretty sceneries like this. But well, I like leaving some sights exclusive to my eyes, so if you have time, head over to Sentosa and catch the sunrise. It's beautiful. ♥

The whole place feels like some Bali resort..

Eleanor, Junjie & Jason

Reached home only 9 am and I was dead tired so no choice but to skip co. Worked in the afternoon at Cotton On, damn I got scolded for being 1 min late! =/
Still, the job's pretty slack and I like the easy pay. I've changed my mind and I intend to keep it as some long-term job since the hours are flexible and all. Love the crew there too :)

I've been sleeping since dinner and I just woke up to upload some photos and stuff. It's almost 5am, if I don't sleep I'm gonna be turning into some night owl very soon. Okay, I'm finally loving the way my life is right now :)

Oh, and before I forget. HAppy 17th Birthday to you Eleanor! :) In exactly one year's time we can start hitting all the clubs in SG. I'm so gonna party my whole life away~

It pays to know where you stand sometimes

2010-11-13T12:21:00.002+08:00

Someone hire me for Sitex/C3 event please, I need the money so super badly because I'm that broke. Must cut down on expenses + pick up jobs asap. No choice when you're beggar.

Well, at least cotton on has called and arranged some work for me...

Anyway, yesterday I worked at Suntec for Standard Chartered D&D, the whole event looked so fun and I'm so dead jealous of everyone there because they were all having so much fun. too bad I couldn't take any pictures, it's sometime like halloween@zouk, cos everyone was in full costume and it was so crowded, especially at the later part of the dinner when everyone just wanted to dance and party away.

The dishes were so fucking heavy though, my arms nearly collapsed the whole of last night, though I admit I've got to be thankful cos I got a really slack table. A table full of "chinese ghosts", they were pretty convincing at first though. i got pretty freaked out initially everytime they asked for something...Literally they were ghosts anyway, since half the time I served food, there was no one at the table apart from the occassional hungry ghost digging for food. All they need is red wine and beer, and they'll happily take their glasses off to the dance floor and party. The music was super tempting though, wished I could be part of the fun...

Some of the costumes looked really great too! I spent most of my time watching the performances though, not too bad and I liked the ghostbusters bit, as well as the "walk of the undead" to commence the dinner. All those in full costumes just walked around the whole mega huge ballroom and it was so cool! Some of the Caucasians looked really cute in their vampire costumes though...they just had the looks to pull it off I guess. Twiglight, though I'm no fan of it. But it was funny, seeing ghosts and ghouls playing away on their iphones and all.

Overall, it was a pretty interesting experience because I never knew what a dinner&dance was like, I had envisioned it to be like those waltz kind of dance but it doesn't appear so...at least for the one I attended yesterday. There were quite a few drunk customers that were a massive turn off though, with one particular Indian guy (I don't intend any racism here), but it was just so disgusting and till now I'm figuring out if he was really drunk or merely pretending to be so but heck, this time I'm smarter and I'll just leave the guys to the guys.

Just looking forward to my paycheck :>

Life lessons

2010-11-12T02:50:00.003+08:00

We accept what's beyond our control, and excel in what's within it.

That includes so many things in my life right now. Like I'm feeling really vexed, Idk where to start but I figured out there's something about ranting that doesn't works all the time. So maybe it's good I'm trying my best to pile myself up with work, and hopefully tiring myself out will just stop me from thinking wildly again. Unfortunately, the downside is giving up on a lot of my social life, school, and even cca which is less than ideal considering how I've been missing so many practice sessions thanks to ibo, cambridge, etc etc etc. Esp with syf coming up next year, I think I really need everything I can to give my best shot at it. It's not easy, but I'll work my way around it. Somehow, at least I'm looking for the satisfaction I can find, knowing my effort has paid off, somewhat like the concert earlier this year.

Which reminds me. How much time has flown. It's scary when you think of it actually, because after months the dreaded pw is finally over, and although I admit there has been a lot of conflicts in the recent spate of wr/op spammings, I'm still thankful for my group, and I do hope the whole class has done well. we all want our A's, don't we?

And hopefully, it'll mark the end of anything bad, for this year at least. Or has everything only just begun...?

Plain pointless

2010-11-09T04:25:00.002+08:00

Okay, I got the message. It's your mouth so I'll just shut up. It freaking annoys me when I haven't went out of my way just to irritate you or what, but whatever, I've gotta learn that there's no way I'm superwoman and I cannot satisfy everyone. so, I'll just be me.

It's day one with you

2010-11-07T08:11:00.006+08:00

13 more days to go and I'll have you back by my side♥
Chilled out th other friday with dear, and ytd @ Vivo! Too bad ibo screwed up all my outings so much, had to leave early/come late. But still, at least it's all over already! It was just a whole morning of guessing, cos there's just no time to read and do all the questions unless you're really some genius, and even then, all the content is so chim O.o
Oh wells, not like I took it to win some award I kinda expected some participation cert only so it doesn't really matters.
Upload all the pictures later!

And I hope that my camera's fine over with my parents. I have no idea what might happen to it when they come back. And there's already a fingerprint on the lens and I didn't manage to get it cleaned while at vivo ytd T_T
For some reason the 550D just doesn't appeal that much to me which was why I chose to stuck with the 550D/500D. But, looking at the specs for 60D I'm like WOW and after testing it over at Canon yesterday, I just want it to be mine!!!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHH and I have gotten dear just as insane as me over the camera hahahha :)

First pics (out) with ♥:

haha okay, I'm honest. dear took this picture BUT it was because she copied me and the shot I took was "dirtied" with people...AHEM

bokeh..it's nothing particularly nice though.

Still lovin' our lovely chill out spot. Just a tad pity I forgot the settings of the picture I wanted to take :O
And I need a tripod imo :(

Still, I'll try to be appreciative for what I have. I was never able to take such impressive night shots with my compact...

Yep, you can see th sg flyer from there. but it's a bit overexposed and well, I forgot to set a dark frame for this, but heck, without a tripod it's still going to be hard to get a decent picture for night shots like this.

Playing at the playground when the seats had considerably dried up from the earlier rain.

Ponder

2010-11-04T20:24:00.003+08:00

Spending a large part of my time blog hopping, reading random entries, shopping (again!) and the usuals like Mh.
It's kinda entertaining seeing how girls can just bitch around, and while everyone's right in their own ways (I don't really take sides), incidents as such really show you what human nature is like...and yes, it's that complicated.
And after living my 17 yrs of life in a world filled with bitchings, have I gotten used to it? Maybe immuned, but not so quite accepting yet. Still I'm pointing out no names because it's a face no one's perfect, and you'll suppose to look for all the (+)ve and not their flaws right? But let's put it this way that it's a FACT humans are hypocritical by nautre (no please don't deny it because if you give yourself a fair chance to think, you'll just like everyone out there), and nothing's gonna change this.

In any case, today's like some "official" last day before school hmm actually "ends" not counting the extra week of lectures? And damn, I really need to study hard. With a pathetic universirty admission score of 62.5 there's really no where I can go, I need full 90! And I really have to start studying hard, so I should start off with ibo if I want to slack my weekends away.

Ohhh and rehearse for op. I still speak them soft and my Q&A sucks :(

Tattoo

2010-10-31T13:48:00.001+08:00

Can you believe how fucking sucky my life can be?
Yes it's just fml week~

I hate my life I don't want to live anymore...anyone wants to take over it? My life 4 sale, going to anyone who doesn't mind how sucky things are

Bored

2010-10-30T14:01:00.004+08:00

School has just been sucking me dry, it sucks because everyone's so busy (with school related stuff) and even my dear is too busy for me wts.
And Cotton On has yet to even call me seriously can someone tell me just what did I signed the bloody contract for? -.-
Finally submitted wr though, and I was happy, for that brief period. Felt like some major burden lifted, but there's still op I&R so well pw still remains a bitch esp when hubbitch is our st right?
Not much to do around recently, have been on a mad partying craze though. I just want to waste myself out~
It's freaking draining my bank account though, esp when there's a stupid curfew to meet and I can only stay out till like 1am max? when the night is still so fucking young omg it pisses me off so much!!

I wish I can drive, save on cab fares, stay out as late as I want to, and just waste myself everyday. K, not exactly the ideal goal in life but that's all I have now haha.

Just some photos to keep this space updated,

Powerhouse the other day, I swear it was hell horrible and well, boring (?)
Headed to some other party yesterday, which I felt was a whole lot better but it sucks because I had to leave darn freaking early when all the fun just started. Oh wells

Cheap thrills from Daiso (2 bucks).

You want more money, people are in poverty. You're hungry, a child is starving. You want to go to the mall, someone is looking for anything to wear just to stay warm. You're chilly, others are frozen. So don't waste your time on things that you think you don't have, because there is always someone out there who needs what you have.

Yes, it's true. But do you realise all I want is the feel treasured like I'm something? Not someone insignificant, someone you can live without. If there's so much more that matters more to you, then really, just exactly where do I stand?

(Un)-Motivated

2010-10-28T22:33:00.005+08:00

What does fml even means anymore? Idk, this whole period is just super trying and all, it's taking everything I have to even keep myself going sane. Nothing went the way I foresaw it to be.
I had envisioned post-promos to be something fun, a more balanced life, some awesome outings and work and basically, a life.
But no, it's pw madness, all the bitchings, and it takes more effort to constraint ourselves than doing the actual wr/op. It takes so much out of us emotionally and physically. Even the term "living nightmare" is too much of an understatement for what life is like now.

I just feel like I'm leading the most unmotivated life, no drive to go to school, sink myself into pw, go for cca, or even play with my new cam anymore...I just want a break, a rest, somewhere to escape to. It's driving me nuts.
And speaking of co, idk how to put it. It's not exactly about me hating it or lacking the interest or determination to learn my parts well, it just boils down to plain motivation I guess.
I won't usually say this out on somewhere so open like this, but it's indeed a fact I feel so out of place. I do get along alright with most but it's just something that doesn't fits in? Like no one really there for me and the only one is leaving. It makes me sad to always lose a good friend, especially when that's just what keeps me going everyday. Still, I'm kinda sad pw is really straining any kind of r/s you can be having and it's really all...fucked up.

Like there's really no better way to put things now. I'm typing like some three-year old with my thoughts all jumbled around but it's just everything's tt on my mind.

And not being able to see dear for like almost a month sucks big time.

I really can't help feeling sorry for myself. Just a little at least, surely I'm entittled to that? Nothing's going right really. You have to admit that. I lead a really pathetic life. Probably not that most, but bad enough. I still haven't found a reason for my existance. And maybe, I've give up on doing so.

On some deja vu brighter side of life kinda thing, when I used to feel like this, I wished I had a dslr to play with and just go around snapping because somehow it just makes me feel better...so at least I have it now!

My love journey

2010-10-26T22:51:00.003+08:00

The story goes like this.
I first got around to playing it on 05.01.10
and after whining and complaining for the past 9 months...
I finally got down to getting it!!!!

Meet the new love of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE
I love my awesome daddy so much now. It may be 2nd hand because I'm still some noob and I haven't gotten around to using it yet but then, at least it's still my dream come true!!! And my dad still told me look through see which lens I like, he'll buy for me when he goes to Japan next month. WOOHOOO IM SOME CRAZY LITTLE HAPPY GIRL. DADDY'S THE BEST!!!!

Some test shots on my new love:

Okay I'm still on sugar high and I'm super happy so I shall not rant about pw for now even though it sucks big time.

Happy happy happy me :D

That's the truth for you to see

2010-10-23T23:54:00.002+08:00

Life has been full of so much ups and downs recently. For every good/bad thing that occurs the opposite will soon happen, so there's really no way to absolutely sum up my life now. Got a job but I'm still waiting for their call, still waiting to work, waiting to earn, waiting to save, waiting to find something more meaningful than Mousehunt and pokemon in my life. Made in through to 10S111 in '11 but I'm all neutral towards it, although I admit the issue has been on my mind for a pretty long time, and worrying me almost every instant it's fit to worry.

Well, that's life for you I suppose.

Sorting out all the random thoughts

2010-10-21T21:42:00.002+08:00

I suddenly remembered telling Brian I'm going to start planning my life tonight for good, because I really hate the feeling when you're really pressed for time and everything's all clashing..Just like yesterday. It was some mad made night but at least I made it through today. In fact, I can be considered quite happy.

It's going to be some long post because I have no pictures and there are just tons of words, thoughts and random stuff to sort out in my mind.

Half of our results/promotional status are already made known today I suppose, although I wasn't physically there for school, I feel pretty safe to assume I've kept for 4H2s already. Now this is in no way meant to offend anyone, but I felt that I haven't put in my best AL ALL and to be honest, I'm kinda disappointed with my results although I know many will tell me they're envious of what I've achieved and how many out there are dying to get my grade. I'm upset because I haven't totally put in my best and I just believe I can really put in more effort (doesn't equate to performance) but it's really learning how to work hard and all that I'm trying to achieve. After 10 years of lazing around, I really want to make at least my two years in jc something that I can look back 20 years down the road and say, "I've worked hard, and no matter what my grades were, I've deserved them whole-heatedly because I've worked for them." Not something like oh I haven't studied for this but I did okay or I've studied so fucking hard and mugged my ass for it but I still failed miserably. Put it simply, I just want to know what sheer hard work feels like. For a year at least. so 365 more days before I sit for my A's I really want to tell myself I'm entirely prepared mentally because for the past year I've been studying - really really hard.

So that means basically having to give up on a whole lot of things. No more tv, no more shopping, no more outings and no more life. School shall take every part of it. A bit too early but seeing 2010 coming to a close, I've been thinking a lot for what I really want in 2011, especially when it's going to be a really crucial year (A levels) and I've told myself I'm not going to be disappointed anymore like my previous two major exams. This time, I'll get what I WANT, and I'll go to a university of my CHOICE. Strong determination, but can it last? And words are just words, translating all I've typed to real life requires so much effort I've no idea yet where I'm going to get all this motivation, determination, and strength to live 2011 from.

Speaking of which, I really have to save up, especially when I'm eyeing to get my camera before year end, and thankfully I've already gotten myself a job at Cotton On that pays really well although I'm a lill stressed from their high expectations from the sales staff. And making new friends in a totally new environment honestly give me jitters. I've never real been someone good at socialising since young, I've always been cooped up in my small circle of friends and it should really change. Turning 18 in barely half a year already....does anyone realises how time has flew? I still can remember what pre O's was like, how post O's felt, how going to a new school felt, how 2009 had culminated, how I've turned 17, how promos is nearing and now...even pw is nearing an end. Time doesn't crawls, neither does it walks, indeed it really flies way before you even imagine or notice it's left.

In any case I've would just like to focus on my new job well, stay long enough to get some nice benefits, juggle with school/work for the next month well enough, sail through J2 smoothly, cotrol my horrible spending and save up {like seriously) and continuing staying appreciative (and quit complaining so much, all the time!) Especially my friends. All those that've stood by me so many times, made me felt so loved, so wanted, and told me there's some hope around this wasteland. I couldn't have pulled through three quaters of 2010 without you guys so to everyone, it's a big thanks deep down from my heart especially for dear <3 because I can never imagine life without her and it's so amazing how after one whole year, we're still as close as ever before although we meet up less and less these days :(

I'll continue to pray, love and just hope for the best.
Till then

PW

2010-10-20T22:32:00.003+08:00

I don't have to be explaining to anyone who has gone through or is experiencing J1 right now how sucky pw can be. Not just in terms of the workload, but the kind of supposed spirit in doing it. I don't want to be explaining too much right here, but whatever it is, I've kinda washed my hands off half of it already.
Still, op's mock coming up and I've packed my schedule like crazily already because I'm so bad at planning my things and I feel really really screwed.
After this week, I should really consider using a planner.

Some random announcement on promos tmrw, I'm hoping it's something good although I cannot be there. yes, I really really need to start planning how I spend my 24 hours each day more wisely.

Stupid throat still hurts like motherfuck, hope it recovers soon I want all my fooooood. Not to mention the haze seriously annoys me, especially when I'm already suffering from a bad flu & cough.
javascript:void(0)
Just praying for something better tmrw.

Post promos

2010-10-16T01:18:00.004+08:00

Finally done with my part for WR, hopefully it's everything hubit wants now so that we can all take a break and move on. I think we're kinda behind time but I can't blame anyone unless it's me I guess. I feel so bad for screwing up my job all the time and let the whole group kena scolded like crazy ): Sorry guys!!

Anyway, got back all of our results already and I still can't help regretting for chemistry...It was the subject I had put the most effort for, just like in Mid Yrs. And I was convinced that hard work pays off as evident during the mid yrs. But something went terribly wrong in the course of the paper and I really hate myself for having so little mental strength to actually overcome the harder parts and try the easier parts but no, I simply gave up on the whole question the moment I was stuck.
Still I'll be glad to take everything as a lesson I can learn from and really work hard for J2s next year. Whatever it takes, I really pray hard I can keep my 4H2s because now they mean my world to me.

Was late for school today and the teacher screwed me upside down like crazy, because just suay suay I no collar pin today, I'm the only one late and shamefully I cannot recite the pledge at all.
For some reason I just couldnt drag myself out of bed. Perhaps I just didnt want to face my maths results, although I swear the results were so surprising! I never expected anything near an A my whole life, and some of vectors questions actually scored although I made tons of careless mistakes ):
Still, it's a remarkable improvement and I'm damn happy!
Okay, so hard work pays off so long as you face it well durng the exams.

Powerhouse yesterday but I swear it was really crappy, wished I went for the one on Tues cos I heard it was more fun.

My overall results:
GP 56% C
Maths 71% A
Econs 70% A
Bio 53% D
Chem 41% S

Seriously I just want an E E E E E E E but there's no moderation at all.....
prayg hard still I guess.

Fucked up

2010-10-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up

That's my life.

You can ignore this post and pretend it never existed, just like me

2010-10-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck x1000 I really want to just kill something omg I'm so fucking pissed off I swear. Almost done with the stupid survey results when that whole bloody shit just restarted, yes it freaking hanged on me and awesome...my data's all gone, even after the useless recovery and shit I'm already so tried can everyone just stop torturing me please I beg off you?! I'm sweaty, hot, stuffy, and feeling really terrible and the last thing I want to do is sit in front of the computer, continue straining my eyes, listen to my parent's nagging and yadayadad

I know I complain a lot a lot a lot a lot but sometimes I find that I just cannot help myself when there's so much bottling inside me and I really hate my life...Look, I like the kind of life I'm leading right now, I know I get a lot of things, I'm thankful but yet I'm just not happy because I'm fighting over really, the most trivial things everyday. I cannot understand what has led my parents to think I'm rich I'm effing rich and I don't need any pocket money hello in the first place I'm not taking a lot I swear $5 is like the most basic basic basic kind of pocket money I can be having for lessons 7-5pm everyday which means it includes lunch and recess and yada.

So I never understand why my parents always go I'm very rich I'm very rich and I don't need any money already because I can afford everything...yes I spend a lot but not even a single cent of that comes from you okay! ARHGHGHGHGHGHGGG I'm so fucking broke and I really hate it when you still want to deduct money from everything and anything. I'm no where as rich as you guys are, owning everything from bonds to stocks to shares and properties and etc etc etc. I do even hold a proper job to speak!!! Pissed off 2 d max I swear and pw's a real bitch, I hate it like fuck and I never understood my enthusiasm for it when school first started....

Enough of ranting I've gotta go alr school starts tmrw, I need to drag myself out of bed and learn how to return to school because I've been skipping it a tad too often...oh, and my excuse letters are still not in...oh fuck whatever.

Vivo

2010-10-09T23:36:00.002+08:00

Eventful day much. Met love up once again. Headed to Semei with the intention of cutting our hair, but it has already been ages since we last visited so the salon we used to go has already closed down ):
Still, we were fortunate to find another salon reasonably-priced too. Hehe, dear loves her new hair now and I think it looks good as well! I cut my fringe only since I'm gonna be rebonding it again soon, but I have the feeling I've cut it a little too short ):

Went over to Old Airport Hawker for lunch because I was so broke and I can't afford to dine at even a cheap cafe ): Life seriously sucks when you're broke. I've applied for this part time sales promoter already, praying hard I get the job because the pay is good and the hours are flexible and I really need it badly. Then over to Vivo and window shop and omgggggg I really wished I had all the cash in the world and could afford to spend like crazy. Not that there's really anything in my "must get" list. Shopping makes one happier but window shopping makes one absolutely depressed. I just want more and more after that. ):

And pardon the crazy amount of narcissitic pictures, I'm on some crazy camwhoring spree today (^^,)

Off to Old Aiport Road

SG Flyer! I'm still trying to see the difference between that and my London Eye, apart from the scenery.

THIS IS MY RETARDED DEAR BUT I STILL LOVE HER TO D MAX.

I love wading in the vivo pool.

Acting bimbo!

The sun was swelitering so we decided to return to the air conditioned malls. Happened to pass by some jap restaurant which looked mega high class and settled down for dessert since they were having some promotion! I would say the food is worth every cent! It's really good (the dessert at least) and when I looked through the menu, I was pleasantly surprised to see everything for $15-$25 only. Can't wait to try it for dinner someday with the guys!

I had some sesame seed ice cream, I'm not really a fan of such flavours as I prefer something more fruity/rich like chocolate but I cannot deny it's really good and the flavour is robust. The chocolate wafer and warm strawberries just complemented it really well.

Played somemore at the playground before heading to the roof to catch the sunset. It was just dead awesome :>

Feels like those 80's Singapore still developing the port kind of picture, haha.
But you look behind, see RWS and you'll know it's a different story.

That's my Saturday for you folks, sucks that my shopping trip tmrw has gotta be cancelled...thanks to PW AGAIN. God, I seriously hate this stupid meaningless subject it's hell a plain waste of my time..I mean after promos 24/7 that's all that is going to make me come to school, spend the whole motherfucking day there and really, I can never understand why such a subject was implemented at all...they should just let us rush through the syllabus asap so that we can faster go take A's get our well deserved breaks or sth.
rantszx1001 anyways I've gotta go sleep, *curses at pw for one final time.*